Quotessence
Home / Authors / Louis C. K.
Louis C. K.

Louis C. K. Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleThinkingKnowsLaughingIfsKidsComedyFunnyWayShowsYearsComedianStuffTwoFeelsWantWellsGuyI CanNeeds

Famous Louis C. K. Quotes

“There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you're new at this- and by “new at it.” I mean 15 years in, or even 20- you're just starting to grow traction. Young musicians believe they should be able to throw a band together and be famous, and anything that's in their way is unfair and evil. What are you, in your 20s, you picked up a guitar? Give it a minute.”

PeopleIfsWayGivingShouldYearsBelieveMeanWholeAbleTogetherYoungEvilGrowsStuffProcessBornMinutesBandMusicianFairsGuitarStartingWhole LifeHorribleUnfairNot FairTraction
Author:Louis C. K.
Create image

“If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."”

IfsHumansPersonsLongTwoEnoughEarthFunnyFoundSexWalksComedyMinutesPlanetsRight NowTrafficMonkeysPlanet Earth
Author:Louis C. K.
Create image

“I've had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All these things. There's no way I'm ever going to catch up to the misery years. It's impossible... If I don't do anything dumb or I don't get a disease or something, and then I've got to five to eight years I think where it'll really be great and then it will start to degenerate like uranium, you know?”

IfsThinkingKnowsWayYearsKindTwoSufferingPovertyFiveImpossibleEgoDiseaseDestructionMiseryEightDumbUncertaintyDegeneratesUraniumGreat YearGood Years
Author:Louis C. K.
Create image

“I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If you meet somebody, fall in love and get married. Then get divorced. Because that's the best part. Divorce is forever! It really actually is. Marriage is for how long you can hack it. But divorce just gets stronger like a piece of oak. Nobody ever says 'oh, my divorce is falling apart, it's over, I can't take it.'”

IfsWayYearsLongHas BeensI CanLastsFallLove IsForeverPiecesMarriedStrongerFalling In LoveDivorceFalling ApartDivorcedOaksHacks
Author:Louis C. K.
Create image