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Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes

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Famous Mark Twain Quotes

“That reminds me to remark, in passing, that the very first official thing I did, in my administration-and it was on the first day of it, too-was to start a patent office; for I knew that a country without a patent office and good patent laws was just a crab, and couldn't travel any way but sideways or backways.”

WayFirstsCountryLawScienceProgressOfficePassingPassingsAdministrationOfficialsRemarksPatentsSidewaysCrabsPatent Law
Book:Three by Twain: Tom Sawyer, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and A Connecticut Yankee In King Arther's Court
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“All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish”

InspirationSelfish
Book:The Mark Twain Autobiography + 3 Biographies: 4 Mark Twain Biographies In 1 Book: Chapters From My Autobiography By Mark Twain + My Mark Twain By William Dean Howells’ + Mark Twain A Biography By Albert Bigelow Paine + The Boys’ Life Of Mark Twain By Albert Bigelow Paine
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“In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.”

YearsLongTwoFactsThreeSpaceMillionsReturnPeriodsThousandSixHundredRiversInvestmentSevenMilesFascinatingFortyTwo YearsQuartersSeventiesMississippiTriflingThousand MilesConjectureMississippi River
Author:Mark Twain
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“Written things are not for speech; their form is literary; they are stiff, inflexible, and will not lend themselves to happy and effective delivery with the tongue-where their purpose is to merely entertain, not instruct; they have to be limbered up, broken up, colloquialized and turned into common forms of premeditated talk-otherwise they will bore the house and not entertain it.”

FormPurposeHouseCommonWrittenBrokenSpeechTongueBoresFlexibleDeliveryBroken Up
Book:Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 3: The Complete and Authoritative Edition
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“As to the human race. There are many pretty and winning things about the human race. It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it-it is like hitting a child.”

KnowsHumansChildrenOpportunityWinningRaceFailingAppreciationBillionsInventionAssHuman RaceHittingHarshNaivePoorestComplacentBashfulness
Book:The outrageous Mark Twain: some lesser-known but extraordinary works : with
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“We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence.”

PeopleIfsThinkingHumansLittlesHappensCoursesRaceNiceInfluenceBelovedHuman RaceNastyVermin
Book:Mark Twain-Howells Letters: The Correspondence of Samuel L. Clemens and William D. Howells, 1872-1910
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“I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.”

MenWayWantShouldTryingHumansFoundRaceImagineHe ManIntellectLustClockHuman RaceTireAnother ManRiddle
Book:Mark Twain's Correspondence with Henry Huttleston Rogers, 1893-1909
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“It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.”

MenWorldHeartMayWholeEarthTogetherHeavenPoorRichBrotherMy HeartLowsEvery ManHatedBlissAspirationCivilizedSavagesTelephonesEverlastingInventorDespisedRest And Peace
Author:Mark Twain
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