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Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes

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Famous Mark Twain Quotes

“A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order.”

HumansPersonsWholeSpiritualPoliticalOrderAbilityRaceFourPositionDevilPossessionAll TimeGrantedHuman RaceExecutivesImposing
Book:Short Stories And Sketches (Annotated Edition)
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“The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”

PeopleCountrySometimesEyeAmericaLanguageSucceedTablesIgnorantIdiotParisSpokesExpensesCostumesMischiefForeign Countries
Book:The Innocents Abroad; Or, The New Pilgrim's Progress ...
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“I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142. This is no time to be flitting about the earth. I must cease from the activities proper to youth and begin to take on the dignities and gravities and inertia proper to that season of honorable senility which is on its way.”

WayAgeEarthYouthActivityDignitySeasonsAgingCeasePushingGravityHonorableThresholdInertiaSenility
Book:Complete Letters of Mark Twain
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“...the person that had took a bull by the tail once had learnt sixty or seventy times as much as a person that hadn't, and said a person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!”

IfsWayWantPersonsSaidHomeGrowsChanceCatSixtyTailsSeventiesBullsChances AreDoubtful
Author:Mark Twain
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“Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: -- I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.”

YearsHumansTwoWholeAgeBeautifulNationsMillionsModernLandConditionsMinesPromiseMouthsYears AgoFoundationDollarsCreditNewspapersFamiliarGoldenTwo YearsMutualPeculiarCentsUnlimitedRelianceRemarksDistinguishedModern SocietyGolden AgeAnecdotesTwo Years AgoSpeculatorsMutual Trust
Book:The Complete Novels of Mark Twain (Illustrated): 12 American Classics & Author’s Biography: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn, A Horse’s Tale, The Prince and the Pauper, The American Claimant, The Mysterious Stranger…
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“A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; ...those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last--the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them--and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, ...a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever.”

MenWorldLifeMeanLittlesAgeEarthLastsLife IsJoyFightingBornForgetGriefStruggleForeverTakenConsequenceAdvantageLaborSweatCreepsJoy Of LifeLamentInfirmitySquabbles
Author:Mark Twain
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“Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought -- by force of circumstances, not argument -- to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them.”

ThinkingFeelsKindFeelingsHandsGovernmentFightingForceNationsBrainConditionsFitCircumstancesArgumentTemperamentReconcileSecond Hand
Book:What Is Man?
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“I never could keep a promise. I do not blame myself for this weakness, because the fault must lie in my physical organization. It is likely that such a very liberal amount of space was given to the organ which enables me to make promises that the organ which should enable me to keep them was crowded out. But I grieve not. I like no half-way things. I had rather have one faculty nobly developed than two faculties of mere ordinary capacity.”

WayShouldTwoLyingGivenSpaceHalfAmountPromiseOrdinaryWeaknessCapacityOrganizationBlameFaultsMereGrievingFacultyOrgansCrowdedHalf Way
Book:The Innocents Abroad, Or, The New Pilgrims' Progress: Being Some Account of the Steamship Quaker City's Pleasure Excursion to Europe and the Holy Land : with Descriptions of Countries, Nations, Incidents and Adventures, as They Appeared to the Author
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“The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other sex sexually, at any time of life. The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in man's construction is this: During your entire life you shall be under inflexible limits and restrictions, sexually. During twenty-three days in every month (in absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also she wants that candle - yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart.”

WantYearsHeartAgeActionLawNightDiesThreeSexReadyMonthsLimitsTwentiesSevenAbsenceOld AgePregnancyConstructionCandleEvery NightSeven YearsCompetentIntercourseSexually
Author:Mark Twain
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“An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.”

WritingI CanHardThreeCitiesHalfFourHonestLaborLettersSevenHungerAverageHumbleCentsCopFifteenVocabularyPolicemenBecause I CanWretchednessMetropolisEnglish Words
Author:Mark Twain
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