Quotessence
Home / Authors / Marshall B. Rosenberg Books
Marshall B. Rosenberg

Marshall B. Rosenberg Books

Psychologist

Related Quotes

“[My mother] related a childhood anecdote about one of her sisters who had an appendix operation and afterwards had been given a beautiful purse by another sister. My mother was fourteen at the time. Oh, how she yearned to have an exquisitely beaded purse like her sister's, but she dared not open her mouth. So guess what? She feigned a pain in her side and went the whole way with her story. Her family took her to several doctors. They were unable to produce a diagnosis and so opted for exploratory surgery. It had been a bold gamble on my mother's part, but it worked--she was given an identical little purse! When she received the coveted purse, my mother was elated despite being in physical agony from the surgery. Two nurses came in and one stuck a thermometer in her mouth. My mother said, 'Ummm, ummm,' to show the purse to the second nurse, who answered, 'Oh, for me? Why, thank you!' and took the purse! My mother was at a loss, and never figured out how to say, 'I didn't mean to give it to you. Please return it to me.' Her story poignantly reveals how painful it can be when people don't openly acknowledge their needs.”

NeedsCompassionCommunication
Book:Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Create image

“Judgements, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs. If someone says, 'You never understand me,' they are really telling us that their need to be understood is not being fulfilled”

CommunicationJudgmentConnectionAlienationThe Grotesque
Book:Nonviolent Communication 3Rd Ed (Marshall B. Rosenberg Phd) + Nonviolent Communication : Companion Workbook (Lucy Leu)
Create image

“Now, with regard to the people who have done things we call "terrorism," I'm confident they have been expressing their pain in many different ways for thirty years or more. Instead of our empathically receiving it when they expressed it in much gentler ways -- they were trying to tell us how hurt they felt that some of their most sacred needs were not being respected by the way we were trying to meet our economic and military needs -- they got progressively more agitated. Finally, they got so agitated that it took horrible form.”

PeaceViolenceCommunicationEmpathyTerrorismNonviolenceGentlenessTerrorists
Book:Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World
Create image

“All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.”

CriticismNeed
Book:Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Create image

“Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.”

WayNeedsHumansPersonsSpiritSituationEnvironmentImagineCreatingOrganizationServingHuman SpiritConnectingOur EnvironmentNonviolent CommunicationInteractingInteracting With Others
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority.”

PeopleIfsWantNeedsSchoolPresidentConsciousnessKingsAuthoritySlaveConnectedObjectivesPrimariesObediencePublic SchoolCzarsObedience To Authority
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”

PeopleIfsWantFeelsPurposeAskingObjectivesAutonomy
Book:Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way
Create image

“Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty or obligation.”

IfsFeelsChildrenLittlesJoyCan DoLove YouDutyPleasePunishmentHungryObligationGuiltyDucksFeedingRequestShamefulLove You More
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.”

PeopleIfsWayMeanPersonsDoeGamesFunLove IsViolenceExampleCommunicationMarriedResponsibleGuiltFaultsSlaveDefinedUpsetClosestBeing MarriedNonviolent CommunicationAppointmentsDentalHappiness Now
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly, because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness.”

IfsThinkingNeedsFirstsConsciousnessViolenceExpressionCommunicationMetsIncreaseTragicSuicidalDecreaseNonviolent CommunicationSuggestingEvaluationLikelihoodUnmet Needs
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".”

PeopleShowsTodayUsedSoundTechnologyImpossibleExpressionCommunicationPleaseJudgmentCriticismEarsBlameInsultTragicHarshSuicidalRemarksNonviolent CommunicationGiraffeSaying PleasePlease And Thank You
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image

“If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.”

IfsNeedsPersonsActionSufferingPayCuttingCommunicationMessagesEtcInterpretationAggressivePassiveNonviolent CommunicationWithholdingCutting OffPassive Aggressive
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
Create image