marshall-b-rosenberg Quotes About ifs

“If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority.”

People Ifs Want Needs School President Consciousness Kings Authority Slave Connected Objectives Primaries Obedience Public School Czars Obedience To Authority

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”

People Ifs Want Feels Purpose Asking Objectives Autonomy

Book:Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way

Source: Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way

“Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty or obligation.”

Ifs Feels Children Littles Joy Can Do Love You Duty Please Punishment Hungry Obligation Guilty Ducks Feeding Request Shameful Love You More

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.”

“Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly, because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness.”

Ifs Thinking Needs Firsts Consciousness Violence Expression Communication Mets Increase Tragic Suicidal Decrease Nonviolent Communication Suggesting Evaluation Likelihood Unmet Needs

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.”

People Ifs Needs Communication Mets Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.”

People Ifs Trying Matter Feelings Pain Communication Ears Nonviolent Communication Giraffe Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.”

Ifs Needs Persons Action Suffering Pay Cutting Communication Messages Etc Interpretation Aggressive Passive Nonviolent Communication Withholding Cutting Off Passive Aggressive

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.”

Ifs Thinking Communication Messages Labels Scare Only Time Disgrace Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want.”

Ifs Knows Want Needs Wanted Asks Sin Our Lives Wonderful Communication Strategy What You Want Miserable Theologian Want U Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.”

People Ifs Needs Done Would Be Easy Sides Conflict Resources Resolve Both Sides

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?”

Ifs Want Firsts Wells May Persons Two Different Reason Helping Seems Asks Force Influence Exercise Behavior Asking Threat Punishment Evident Unlikely

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.”

People Ifs Way Want Needs Wells Compassion Cost Guilt Meetings Better Ways

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves.”

Ifs Self Desire Chance Attention Offers Empathy Flow Stem Interiors Maintaining Request

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?”

Ifs Persons Long Enough Wanted Asks Process Talking Empathy Obvious Uncertain

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.”

Ifs Feels May Persons Body Eye Speak Alive Empathy Connections Your Body Not Sure

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.”

Ifs Needs Persons My Own Mets Behavior Empathy Harmony

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.”

Ifs Way Want Needs Giving Firsts Persons I Can Feelings Understanding Empathy Best Way

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies.”

Ifs Thinking Feels Persons Shows Next Energy Magic Right Now Empathy Connected Technique Heal Tendencies Boards Staying Just Being Feel Better Magic Show

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.”

Ifs Giving Persons Happens Choices Energy Natural Failing Couple Empathy Release Seconds

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.”

Ifs Thinking Want Should Long Communication Nonviolent Communication

Book:Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise

Source: Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise

“If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.”

Ifs Want Needs Communication Tables Meetings Track Productive Request Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.”

Ifs Firsts Persons Wish Responsibility Steps Communication Divorce First Steps Nonviolent Communication Expressing Anger

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Once you have access to key people in an organization, if you go into a meeting with enemy images of those people - then you are not going to connect.”

People Ifs Enemy Communication Keys Organization Meetings Access Nonviolent Communication

Book:The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World

Source: The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World

“We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.”

Ifs World Children Real Today Communication Tomorrow Essentials Educational Peaceful Reform Nonviolent Communication Educational Reform

Book:Life-enriching Education: Nonviolent Communication Helps Schools Improve Performance, Reduce Conflict, and Enhance Relationships

Source: Life-enriching Education: Nonviolent Communication Helps Schools Improve Performance, Reduce Conflict, and Enhance Relationships

“If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?”

Ifs Want Firsts Persons Two Reason Asks Communication Punishment Request Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express needs, the number two reasons we don't our needs met, we don't make clear requests.”

Ifs Needs Two Reason Numbers Clear Communication Mets Judgment Request Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that.”

Ifs Knows Needs Firsts Two Real Reason Use Stuff Forget Know How Clear Communication Mets Appreciate Being Real Vague Request Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. You'll enjoy life more. Hear the truth. The truth is that when somebody's telling you what's wrong with you, the truth is they have a need that isn't getting met. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear the analysis.”

“Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.”

“If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart.”

Ifs Want Heart Use Speak Conscious Compassionate

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

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