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Marshall B. Rosenberg

Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

Psychologist

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Famous Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

“[My mother] related a childhood anecdote about one of her sisters who had an appendix operation and afterwards had been given a beautiful purse by another sister. My mother was fourteen at the time. Oh, how she yearned to have an exquisitely beaded purse like her sister's, but she dared not open her mouth. So guess what? She feigned a pain in her side and went the whole way with her story. Her family took her to several doctors. They were unable to produce a diagnosis and so opted for exploratory surgery. It had been a bold gamble on my mother's part, but it worked--she was given an identical little purse! When she received the coveted purse, my mother was elated despite being in physical agony from the surgery. Two nurses came in and one stuck a thermometer in her mouth. My mother said, 'Ummm, ummm,' to show the purse to the second nurse, who answered, 'Oh, for me? Why, thank you!' and took the purse! My mother was at a loss, and never figured out how to say, 'I didn't mean to give it to you. Please return it to me.' Her story poignantly reveals how painful it can be when people don't openly acknowledge their needs.”

NeedsCompassionCommunication
Book:Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
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“Judgements, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs. If someone says, 'You never understand me,' they are really telling us that their need to be understood is not being fulfilled”

CommunicationJudgmentConnectionAlienationThe Grotesque
Book:Nonviolent Communication 3Rd Ed (Marshall B. Rosenberg Phd) + Nonviolent Communication : Companion Workbook (Lucy Leu)
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“Now, with regard to the people who have done things we call "terrorism," I'm confident they have been expressing their pain in many different ways for thirty years or more. Instead of our empathically receiving it when they expressed it in much gentler ways -- they were trying to tell us how hurt they felt that some of their most sacred needs were not being respected by the way we were trying to meet our economic and military needs -- they got progressively more agitated. Finally, they got so agitated that it took horrible form.”

PeaceViolenceCommunicationEmpathyTerrorismNonviolenceGentlenessTerrorists
Book:Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World
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“Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.”

PeopleIfsWayMeanPersonsDoeGamesFunLove IsViolenceExampleCommunicationMarriedResponsibleGuiltFaultsSlaveDefinedUpsetClosestBeing MarriedNonviolent CommunicationAppointmentsDentalHappiness Now
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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“Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly, because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness.”

IfsThinkingNeedsFirstsConsciousnessViolenceExpressionCommunicationMetsIncreaseTragicSuicidalDecreaseNonviolent CommunicationSuggestingEvaluationLikelihoodUnmet Needs
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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“I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".”

PeopleShowsTodayUsedSoundTechnologyImpossibleExpressionCommunicationPleaseJudgmentCriticismEarsBlameInsultTragicHarshSuicidalRemarksNonviolent CommunicationGiraffeSaying PleasePlease And Thank You
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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“If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.”

IfsNeedsPersonsActionSufferingPayCuttingCommunicationMessagesEtcInterpretationAggressivePassiveNonviolent CommunicationWithholdingCutting OffPassive Aggressive
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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“NVC is language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving.”

WayWantGivingMeanDesireThreeLanguageNaturalSupportInfluenceCommunicationSkillsConflictStructureEmpoweringCommunication SkillsCompassionateLiving My LifeThree ThingsNonviolent Communication
Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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“Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward, everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation, everybody pays for.”

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Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg
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