marshall-b-rosenberg Quotes About people

“The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone's needs.”

People Way Needs Order Honesty Communication Behavior Empathy Objectives Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority.”

People Ifs Want Needs School President Consciousness Kings Authority Slave Connected Objectives Primaries Obedience Public School Czars Obedience To Authority

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.”

People Feels Trapped Nonviolent Communication Derogatory

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”

People Ifs Want Feels Purpose Asking Objectives Autonomy

Book:Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way

Source: Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way

“All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE (an opportunity to make life more wonderful).”

People Opportunity Wonderful Communication Please Celebration Nonviolent Communication Celebration Of Life

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.”

“I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I'm in a different world.”

People Thinking World Needs Trying Littles Persons Different Enjoy Behinds Communication Hearing Enjoy Life Nonviolent Communication Little Time Think Of Me Different Worlds

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".”

“If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.”

People Ifs Needs Communication Mets Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.”

People Ifs Trying Matter Feelings Pain Communication Ears Nonviolent Communication Giraffe Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward, everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation, everybody pays for.”

People Giving Energy Natural Pay Duty Communication Shame Guilt Rewards Punishment Obligation Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.”

People Thinking Communication Angry Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately, it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language of demands.”

People Way Language Communication Demand Resistance Shade Provoking Good And Bad Nonviolent Communication Defensiveness Classifying

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive.”

People Thinking Needs Term Nice Alive Taught Communication Citizens Structure Educated Domination Nonviolent Communication Dead People

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.”

People Needs Feelings Communication Monsters Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we listen for feelings and needs - we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.”

People Needs Humans Sometimes Feelings Seems Language Human Beings Seeing Behavior Monsters Humanness

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.”

People Ifs Needs Done Would Be Easy Sides Conflict Resources Resolve Both Sides

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”

People Thinking Giving Feels Pain Opportunity Messages Blame Critical Bliss Trapped Nonviolent Communication Think Of Me Derogatory

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”

People Believe Pain Suffering Results Violence Deserve Abuse Encouragement Punishment Self Deception Deserving Nonviolent Communication Trickery

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”

Source: Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World

“To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.”

People Want Process Goal Practice Conflict Abandon Resolution Conflict Resolution

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.”

People Anger Angry

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.”

People Ifs Way Want Needs Wells Compassion Cost Guilt Meetings Better Ways

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The kind of spirituality I value is one in which you get great joy out of contributing to life, not just sitting and meditating, although meditation is certainly valuable. But from meditation, from the resulting consciousness, I would like to see people in action creating the world they want to live in.”

Source: Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

“When people hear needs, it provokes compassion.”

People Needs Compassion Provoking Defensiveness

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings.”

People Needs May Feelings Problem Might Opportunity Interest Powerful Attention Messages Empathy Solutions Genuine Impression Related Relief Allowing Initials Request Iceberg

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Tragically, one of the rarest commodities in our culture is empathy. People are hungry for empathy, They don't know how to ask for it.”

People Knows Culture Asks Know How Empathy Hungry Commodity

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.”

People Pain Effects Empathy Contact Psychological Sufficient Psychological Pain

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being.”

People Inspirational Giving Humans Human Beings Empathy Just Listen Power Of Now Your Presence Precious Gifts

Book:Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

Source: Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

“Classifying and judging people promotes violence.”

People Violence Judging Communication Nonviolent Communication Judging People Classifying

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we are angry, killing people is too superficial.”

People Communication Angry Killing Superficial Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.”

People Believe Pain Communication Faults Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We are responsible for what we hear other people say and for how we act.”

People Communication Responsible Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.”

People Thinking Needs Communication Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet their needs.”

People Needs Behinds Communication Messages Intimidating Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.”

People Communication Conscious Nonviolent Communication Beauty Within

Book:Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

Source: Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

“People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.”

People Humans Pain Human Beings Communication Connections Heal Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.”

People Pain Belief Causes Violence Communication Deserve Punishment Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.”

People Needs Compassion Communication Provoking Diagnosis Nonviolent Communication Defensiveness

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.”

People Way Has Beens Communication Distance Communicate Insult Criticize Nonviolent Communication

Book:We Can Work it Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully

Source: We Can Work it Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully

“Social change involves helping people see new options for making life wonderful that are less costly to get needs met.”

People Needs Helping Social Wonderful Communication Mets Social Change Helping People Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators.”

People Way Feels Mind Feelings Action Certain Communication Warning Nonviolent Communication Indicators Other People's Actions

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The more we use words that in any way imply criticism, the more difficult it is for people to stay connected to the beauty within themselves.”

People Way Use Difficult Communication Criticism Connected Nonviolent Communication Beauty Within

Book:Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

Source: Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding

“Once you have access to key people in an organization, if you go into a meeting with enemy images of those people - then you are not going to connect.”

People Ifs Enemy Communication Keys Organization Meetings Access Nonviolent Communication

Book:The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World

Source: The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World

“Once you can clearly describe what you are reacting to, free of your interpretation or evaluation of it, other people are less likely to be defensive when they hear it.”

People Communication Interpretation Nonviolent Communication Reacting Evaluation

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.”

People Way Communication Communicate Zero Probability Diagnosis Nonviolent Communication Labeling

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels.”

People Stills Use Political Used Levels Greater Communication Conflict Depth Arena Disputes Nonviolent Communication Personal Relationships

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.”

People Want Needs Important Self Use Energy Sound Clear Communication Criticism Defense Addresses Interpretation Self Defense Nonviolent Communication Evaluation

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. You'll enjoy life more. Hear the truth. The truth is that when somebody's telling you what's wrong with you, the truth is they have a need that isn't getting met. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear the analysis.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

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