marshall-b-rosenberg Quotes About persons

“Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.”

Way Needs Humans Persons Spirit Situation Environment Imagine Creating Organization Serving Human Spirit Connecting Our Environment Nonviolent Communication Interacting Interacting With Others

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.”

“As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.”

Persons Feelings Pain Causes Communication Educate Nonviolent Communication Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person.”

Persons Faces Communication Angry Nonviolent Communication Angry Person

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say.”

Persons Worry Communication Response Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I'm in a different world.”

People Thinking World Needs Trying Littles Persons Different Enjoy Behinds Communication Hearing Enjoy Life Nonviolent Communication Little Time Think Of Me Different Worlds

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.”

Ifs Needs Persons Action Suffering Pay Cutting Communication Messages Etc Interpretation Aggressive Passive Nonviolent Communication Withholding Cutting Off Passive Aggressive

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words.”

World Persons Turns Communication Waste Baskets Nonviolent Communication Our Words Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.”

Needs Persons Feelings Pain Communication Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.”

Thinking Persons Communication Nonviolent Communication Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?”

Ifs Want Firsts Wells May Persons Two Different Reason Helping Seems Asks Force Influence Exercise Behavior Asking Threat Punishment Evident Unlikely

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you're on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. That's empathy. No words - just being with that energy. When I connect with what's alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I'm surfing.”

Persons Feelings Bigs Energy Waiting Alive Imagine Ready Empathy Just Being Surfing No Empathy

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“What evidence is there that we've adequately empathized with the other person? First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief. We can become aware of this phenomenon by noticing a corresponding release of tension in our own body.”

Firsts Persons Body Individual Understanding Realizing Empathy Evidence Release Tension Relief Phenomenon Noticing Corresponding

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?”

Ifs Persons Long Enough Wanted Asks Process Talking Empathy Obvious Uncertain

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.”

Ifs Feels May Persons Body Eye Speak Alive Empathy Connections Your Body Not Sure

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.”

Giving Persons Pain Enjoy Ability Empathy

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.”

Ifs Needs Persons My Own Mets Behavior Empathy Harmony

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.”

Ifs Way Want Needs Giving Firsts Persons I Can Feelings Understanding Empathy Best Way

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you've studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn't mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what's alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?”

Knows Mean Persons Moments Feelings Past Psychology Alive Empathy Harder Boards Diagnosis Past Experiences

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies.”

Ifs Thinking Feels Persons Shows Next Energy Magic Right Now Empathy Connected Technique Heal Tendencies Boards Staying Just Being Feel Better Magic Show

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.”

“If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.”

Ifs Giving Persons Happens Choices Energy Natural Failing Couple Empathy Release Seconds

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.”

Needs Persons Feelings Humanity Common Nonviolence Nonviolent Communication Common Humanity

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Upset? Ask yourself what this person does that is a trigger for judging them?”

Persons Doe Asks Judging Communication Upset Triggers Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.”

Thinking Persons Communication Connections Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.”

Needs Giving Mean Persons Doe Understanding Communication Giving Up Nonviolent Communication

Book:We Can Work it Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully

Source: We Can Work it Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully

“If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.”

Ifs Firsts Persons Wish Responsibility Steps Communication Divorce First Steps Nonviolent Communication Expressing Anger

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.”

Needs Wells Persons Winning Communication Satisfied Expenses Fulfilled Nonviolent Communication Can't Win

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Use the words "I feel because I" to remind us that what we feel it isn't because of what the other person did, but because of a choice I've made.”

Feels Persons Made Use Choices Communication Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?”

Ifs Want Firsts Persons Two Reason Asks Communication Punishment Request Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Clinical training in psychoanalysis has a deficit. It teaches how to sit and think about what a person is saying and how to interpret it intellectually, but not how to be fully present to this person.”

Thinking Persons Teach Communication Training Deficit Psychoanalysis Nonviolent Communication Clinicals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.”

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