“Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.” IfsWayKindNightGuyNextPresidentHalfFeetTvsGoes OnMetsThirtyFiftyShoreRopeDrowningHalf WayKissinger Author:Mort Sahl
“If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.” IfsPersonsJobsLeftPlanets Author:Mort Sahl
“If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?” IfsWould BeKidsRememberDrugCome UpConservativeUp To YouMutants Author:Mort Sahl
“There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.” IfsYearsTwoSecretBehindsLuckyStealingTwo YearsSpy Author:Mort Sahl
“Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.” PeopleIfsKnowsHardAgePastOne ThingCollegeAtheistAgnosticDays Off Author:Mort Sahl
“Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.” IfsLostRanJimmyCarterDemise Author:Mort Sahl
“If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.” IfsTwoUsedGuyAsksCuttingFairsSensualityAsk MeShoppingShort CutsCobras Author:Mort Sahl
“If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.” IfsLongEnoughPoliticalPositionJournalistConsistentAccusedTreason Author:Mort Sahl
