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“One Lying Jeep by Stewart Stafford Pavlov's dogs got hold of, Occam's Razor and shaved, Archimedes in the bath while, Pureeing Newton's apple core. Ecstasy = McDonald's Squared, Leaning Tower of Pizza Experiment, A swirl of Higgs Boson minestrone, Quaffed blind with Halley's Vomit. Ignore a Big Bang in your black hole, Red Giant piggybacking a White Dwarf, Massive obelisk stuck in the Stargate, Happy Doomsday to you - lights out. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

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“The Peacock & The Eagle: Cleopatra's Entry Into Tarsus by Stewart Stafford Cleopatra arrives, regal and mighty, From ocean spray as Aphrodite, Wealthy and waif, yearning for her, Dared all to defy her possessive aura. Mark Antony, struck by her sultry gaze, Lepidus, prisoner in a bureaucrat's maze, Sees power slipping from a friend’s hand, Ensnared by a siren from a scorched land. Lepidus was Caesar's trusted right hand; A granule falling through hourglass sand, Antony, headstrong military provocateur; Funeral orator from bloody crown auteur. Bargain's scorpion pincers; no longer twain: Cleopatra was Ceres, promising Rome grain, Antony was Mars' armed emissary, Business and pleasure's flood tributary. Antony: "Barge of emerald, Elysium's onyx! Beyond counsel words of sage sardonic, Gliding the Cydnus's silken seam, This Nile Helen shall be my queen." Lepidus: "Pleasure vessel of a floating whore, Yours for a sesterce on the Tiber's shore, Honour your oath, noble Roman creed, Lest passion’s shipwreck sets out to sea.” "This Venus virago on her mirage barge; Serpent prow, silver oars, rhythmic charge! What hubris to think she can equal, The bloody talons of our Roman eagle!" Antony: "Feast your eyes past peacock's bower, She speaks Rome's tongue of naked power. Mark it, that obsidian Sphinx stings - Human head, lion's body, eagle wings! "That is the form she takes to the public: I smell a perfumed alliance for the Republic! With Plebeians as her tickled cats, they hum, I crave her beauty and company. Come!" © 2024, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

Historical FictionEpic PoetryRoman HistoryCleopatraPolitical PoetryCharacter StudyHistorical DramaAntony And CleopatraLove And PowerMark Antony
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“The Passing by Stewart Stafford In the gorgeous death of Autumn, Tree-bowed alms for the wind, Sacrificing eye-catching features, Now primed for Winter, skinned. Organic shaded palaces looted, Shells of once-shimmering things, Shorn of their prettified plumage, Until born again the following Spring. Everything is recycled in Nature, Dead leaves compost the soil, Turning wheel of rampant Summer, No memories in the humid broil. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

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“The Watery Cosmos by Stewart Stafford O realm of Poseidon, Dura Mater of all hidden - Salty soup of subtle plankton, And breaching whales unbidden. O friendly ocean, Looking glass of sky steep - Shooting stars bioluminescent Whirlpool galaxies of the deep. This savage playground, Cradling hurricane fury, The birthing pool of the living, A submerged mass cemetery. As light fades fast above, So a lunar-dark seabed rears up, Slowly enveloping all and sundry, Surface in a seahorse stirrup. Seeds from the Amazon, Passengers of the Atlantic Conveyor, Nestling on English coasts Gifts of an aquatic purveyor. © Stewart Stafford, 2023. All rights reserved.”

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“Bloodline by Stewart Stafford Stuart Richards, 5,001st in line to the British throne, A distant cousin of the king but hitherto unknown, He dreamt of the crown and his fair queen's hand, But there was no baiting the hook unless he had a plan. He chose to eliminate the competition, stood before him, Through a dark celebration, they'd never know what hit them, He sent out invitations to the 5, 000 heirs, Promising vast feasting, with music and fanfare He built a fake house front with a door and a sign, That said: "Welcome to the party. Now, kindly form a line." Behind the door, there awaited a cliff face and a fall, A master of deception, his warm smile greeted them all. He stood at the front door with a charming bow, And, welcoming each guest, he said: "In you go now!" He watched them disappear as they stepped through the door, Counting steps to ascension, lemmings queued up for more. Backslapping himself, inner cackling at his scheme, Imagining himself as king - glory rained down, it seemed, But his Machiavellian plotting had a monstrous flaw, One thing he'd forgotten that greedy eyes never saw. The king was still alive, and he was not amused, He got wind of this plot and responded unconfused, He sent his guards to arrest him for sedition in a fury, They swept him off his feet, planting him before a jury. Put on trial for treason - the verdict was most guilty, Execution set, he had the neck to beg for mercy, But the king was not budging and barked: "Off with his head!" An Axeman's reverse coronation, he joined the fallen dead. Halting 2,986th in line to the British throne, A distant cousin of the king, headless spirit flown, In jealous craving, dispossessed as ruler of the land, Crowned pride came before a fallen plan. © Stewart Stafford, 2023. All rights reserved.”

PowerAmbitionSatireRoyaltySuccessionDark HumorDark HumourFunny PoemFunny PoetryUsurper
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“An Appreciation of the Udder by Stewart Stafford Abe Lincoln borrowed Mabel Brown's bra, The bustiest gal in the county by far, Stretched it right back as far it would go, Launched himself up, a skyrocketing crow. He soared up so high, he couldn't believe it, Saw an aerial shot of Mabel's mighty cleavage, Birds wondered about the youthful intruder, Touched the dark rim of space, no blue there. Gravity tapped Honest Abe on the shoulder, He fell back to earth like a tumbling boulder, Broke his rapid fall by grabbing onto a tree, Exhilarated at the thought of skyward liberty. © Stewart Stafford, 2024. All rights reserved.”

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“The Zombie Firetruck by Stewart Stafford Sirens moan, grave duty's flash of red, A mortuary whiff of something dead, Hoses trained with brains they suck, Your friendly neighbourhood zombie firetruck! All that remained of the human fire team, From the zombie pandemic of 2017, Still in their uniforms, their only treasures, Apocalyptic times call for end-time measures. When they reached the fire, people did scoff, They lurched, staggered, body parts fell off, As they wandered around, fire hoses forlorn, These knightly living dead faced a blazing dawn. The chief, hat off to his skeleton crew, In a voice once alive, now croaky like flu: 'To the hydrant, my ghouls, let's save Gothik Town, Or they'll call Ghostbusters, we'll be the clowns!' A glowering inferno, a cremation scene, Zombie firefighters, brave and light green. Through smoke and ash, they gravely stand, Composed decomposition with skeletal hand. Axeman Bony Ed led their clattering charge, Into the smoke, his cadavers did barge, The townsfolk looked on in dead of night, And disbelief, tiredness and mild fright. There soon followed medic Cemetery Phil, Decaying Murphy, Old Salty, and Dead Drill, Slab Stevens, Madly Hyde and Molly Voodoo, Determined to shake their initial hoodoo. A mother and baby backed by burning drapes, Team Macabre charged up the fire escape, Saving both and getting everyone out, Drank Brainer Ade as they leaked like a spout. Somehow, undead teamwork saved the day, No lives were lost as the water sprayed, Doused the flames, cool flatlined heroes, Much zombie kudos, no longer scary zeroes. The crowd cheered, did they ever doubt it? High fives lost hands but new ones sprouted, Frankenstein proud in their flapping flesh, Sure to get medals at the HalloweenFest. With a final groan and a clatter of bones, The zombie firetruck headed back home. Rotten yet proud, in their reanimated way, The risen would fight fires another day. © 2024, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

ZombieDark HumorZombiesDark HumourBlack ComedyFunny PoemFunny PoetryZombie Apocalypse HumorFire TruckHorror Parody
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“Mr & Mrs Love by Stewart Stafford The elephant in town remembered, Mr & Mrs Love were stony pariahs, Gossip branded them the greatest, "See You Next Tuesdays" around. They repeatedly bounced cheques, Juggled their finances in tax havens, Pledged charity money and reneged, Refused to give gifts or Halloween candy. Then the piper called for his payment, It came on a day of more wrongdoing, Served a hefty portion of just desserts, With a surprise audit by Mr & Mrs IRS. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved”

KarmaPay The PriceMoney ManagementMisersMarried CouplesComeuppanceJust DessertsTroublemakersNeighbors From HellSkinflint
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“The Eye of Karma by Stewart Stafford Do we still rationalise things we do? Karma's cold, clear eye sees through, Soiled laundry aired for the public to see, A looking glass raised to gross misdeeds. No compunction, an inflaming sick note, Deaf to the plea bargains began by rote, Facing peccadilloes that seek redress, Damaging overflow of avarice and hubris. Poison sucked from self-flagellation wounds, The stinging venom disgorged and plumed, A penalty passed with the gavel in hand, Purge those failings with goodwill planned. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

KarmaJustifyJustificationSelf RighteousSelf RighteousnessComeuppanceJust DessertsKarma LawJustifyingPoetic Justice
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“Midnight's Toll by Stewart Stafford As the lungs of our world burn, SS Nero crashes on plastic rocks, Kamikaze Captain Mann at the helm, Safety is beyond our salvation. As a loved one cruelly disfigured, By a crazed passerby in the street, The house we once loved as life, Now a distant, renovated stranger. Midnight's toll becomes due, The malicious piper paid in full, Only desolation, bones and dust, Our necropolis legacy to the future. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

EnvironmentClimate ChangeGlobal WarmingWarningEcologyApocalypseSelf DestructionDestruction Of NatureEnvironmental PoetryDoomsday Clock
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“Hallucination Country by Stewart Stafford A furious tribe of leaves, Chased a logging truck, As forked flames waved, From a burning backyard tree. A half-eaten unicorn in a ditch, A warning from hunters nearby, Slaughtering fairytale creatures, Cryptids were their mint targets. An abandoned Volkswagen car lay, Half-overturned, underbelly exposed, The injured driver, now hitchhiking, With a spree killer or tow-truck driver. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

HuntingSurrealSurrealismUnicornCar AccidentDeforestationHitchhikingSurreal PoetrySurreal HumorSurreal Humour
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“The Almighty Jar by Stewart Stafford Protestors in the street chanted: "Crackpot!" Mocking supreme leader The Almighty Jar, Rattling it into swift and oleaginous action, It flipped its lid and sought vengeance. The jar ordered its troops to open fire, On the defiant yet unarmed crowd, But the army flatly refused to obey, Until the jar started oozing sneakily. Too late came a decree that military personnel, Smear Deindividuation serum on themselves, Freedom fighters stormed the jar's shelf palace, Smashing it and replacing it with an urn. © 2021, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

Science FictionSatireDictatorshipDystopianTotalitarianismDark HumorSocial CommentaryAbsurdismPolitical SatireOrwellian
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“Ghost Wail Square by Stewart Stafford There's a place that canines shun, In The Witching Hour stark, Dogs wandering misty avenues, Flee from Pandora's Park. Nicknamed Ghost Wail Square, Once whispered as Harlot's Row, Twilight cobblestones flooded with blood, Extinguished collusion's glow. Blue bloodlust inflamed there, In scented carriages and filthy lanes, Carnivores at the butcher's block, As they scattered ill-gotten gains. At Devil's Hour, the horror peaks, Death rattle knocks on doors, As screams for mercy fill the air, No rescue missions for whores. A killer sheltered 'neath potent wings, A skittish stranger to the noose, Then sewn mouths shall speak, As festering skeletons slip loose. © Stewart Stafford, 2023. All rights reserved.”

GhostGhostsProstitutionJack The RipperSex WorkersRipperClass DivideRestless SpiritsThe Black DahliaYorkshire Ripper
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“I don't buy into the notion of 'privilege' at all. To even attempt to brand and shame whole swathes of people based on their race or gender is, to me, obscene. It has icky echoes of totalitarian propaganda which seeks to direct the ire of a populace at certain sections of society deemed 'unworthy.' Playing the blame game gets us nowhere.”

PrejudicePrivilegePropagandaObsceneWhite PrivilegeMale PrivilegeBlame GamePropaganda QuotesShamingBlame Game Failure
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“Moral stains are wiped clean with the passing of the transgressor. They do not pass down to their descendants or others of the same faith or ethnicity through osmosis. Those using the very notion of inherited guilt as a stick to beat others with are revealing more about their problematic natures than anyone bearing their accusations.”

JudgmentalAntisemitismSlavery In The United StatesJudgmental PeopleShamingJudgemental PeopleUnfair AssessmentsBadge Of ShameInherited GuiltMoral Stain
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“See Me In One by Stewart Stafford Crave not aged flight, Your titian crown ringed, With cherubim cheeks, In child's play, winged. I shed this life's skin, My texts echoing guide, Find flesh through them, Righteous wordage sighed. In forest dark, I found you, All before, a stillborn nought, Of everything in ardour rendered, Your form, pride's ransom bought. © Stewart Stafford, 2024. All rights reserved.”

PhilosophyLife LessonsFathers DayFather And SonFathers And SonsLife HacksParental GuidanceLegacy Life LessonsLife HackDads Wisdom
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“Impostor Times by Stewart Stafford When dark forces mask your eyes Happiness, a distant beacon dream Hope approaches your warming fire Enjoy a toast, before flavours teem Each pillar of truth, now a traitor to you Motherland cut in mercenary march Bonfires of blood in purification rage Cuckoos in the nest, gloat in the larch Rebel droplets, merge into roaring flood Abort the tyrant's myriad bastard heirs Expel the puppets to the unyielding sea Birthplace restored as the patriot dares © Stewart Stafford, 2024. All rights reserved.”

MotivationalHopeFreedomCourageStrengthEmpowermentResilienceOvercoming AdversityInspirational PoetryInspirational Poem
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“Shadow On The Lake by Stewart Stafford Neighbour coughing up phlegm, As Stefan began his morning jog, With an elderly shadow escort, His stooping gait shocked him. Outcast sleeper in their lakeside car, Windows fogged with condensation, Homeless sightseer or lost tourist? Absconded prisoner, lovers entwined? He left the stranger(s) undisturbed, Pulling a sharp U-turn at the lake, His aged shape still fleet of foot, Dormant fugitive(s) eating his dust. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

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“Where All Roads Lead by Stewart Stafford As I journeyed toward Rome, On the dusty road, I passed, Beggars, lepers, soothsayers, And dogs foaming at the mouth. Through the fresh mountain pass, Then the long descending road, Temperature rising with each step, Anticipation grew with the heat. Class of companion changed, Upon nearing the city of cities, I heard talk of gladiators, and, Barges of Venuses on the Tiber. Thunder and before my eyes, Stood a vision of distant Rome, The curve of the Colosseum, Teeming humanity to and fro. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

JourneyRomeRoman EmpireRoadRoad TripRoadsAncient RomeGladiatorsColosseumAll Roads Lead To Rome
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“The Pirate Code by Stewart Stafford Highwaymen of the high seas, Outlaws of the oceans deep, Plundering the crown's gold, They may hang us as we sleep. Home is but a distant memory, Friends are anyone we can find, Turncoats walk the plank slowly, Or are keelhauled with jellyfish in brine. The Robin Hoods of seaweed spray, We rob the rich to give to ourselves, Growing fat on finest grog and food, And make pieces of eight into twelve. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

SeaOceanPiratePiratesPiracyOutlawsPirates Of The CaribbeanCaptain JackCaptain Jack SparrowJack Sparrow
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“Venom by Stewart Stafford Thou art the Great Pudenda; The usurper king of Puck's Fair, Miasma ague, a goat's smear, From a reeking jakes' baited bear! Thou dost hurl thy feeble barbs, Witted pits 'gainst an impregnable bard, With dagger'd quill to etch thy epitaph, Far-outliving thy quarrel's shard. Toad-spawn at the gates of Hades; Cast out from its cursed ground, For the dunghill art thou fit, With its foul beetles all around. © 2024, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”

SatireDark HumorDisdainInsultsDark HumourDark PoetryInsults And SlanderShakespearean InsultVerbal SparringInvective Poetry
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