“Oh no?" he sneered, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up. "Knowing what you're like, the slightest sign of a discarded cigarette butt and you would've been crawling around on your hands and knees trying to figure out how tall the smoker was, how old he was, what zodiac sign he was, whether he'd taken a crap that morning, and Christ knows what else.”
Source: Vampire Wake
“She took a step toward him. “You? Mr. Sexy Ass Bad Boy Extraordinaire. A virgin. And you expect me to believe that?”
Source: Pure Sacrifice
“Leon went to show his Coven insignia to prove he was a member but had a wicked thought slither into his brain. A wildly crazy smile coiled on his lips as he skillfully kept the silver emblem from sight. He thumbed back at the door. “You know how girls are. Make one joke about the size of their thighs, and it’s out the door with you.”
Source: Spellbound & Hellhounds
“Something fell and George was off, barking like a mad dog. What if whoever is back there hurts him?
Oh. My. Goodness. If I do die, I can do so happily now. That man’s eyes were so blue—and I swore they changed color.
“I made a huge mistake,” Jake said as he took the leash off of George. “I said p-i-z-z-a out loud. And he took off at a fast jog all the way back here from the park right through Ms. Helen’s sprinklers down the street.”
And then nothing…no words entered my brain. I sniffed and quickly nodded, like I was about to cry. “Okay. Right. Amen.”
Then I forced myself to slow down and not run back to my seat.”
Source: A Case for the Yarn Maker
“Everything I touched seemed to be cursed—the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe.”
Source: Unprotected Treks: The Politically Incorrect Blueprint for World Travel
“We would love it if you would join us for lunch to discuss amputations! We love amputations. And firefighters at MetroGen. Anyone else coming?
Cassie inviting firefighters to join the bachelorette party for lunch”
Source: Roulette
“I was in no position to make decisions. But something inside of me screamed to live my life and I was pretty sure it was the alcohol.”
Source: The Kindred Soul of Nora Faye
“Oh, calm down, Olivia, I’m not asking for one of your kidneys. I just need to borrow one of Greg’s Magnum P.I. thingies.”
Source: Crazed and Confused: A Delightfully Dysfunctional Familial Memoir
“I woke up this morning. That’s the first sign I know—it’s the start of another great day.”
Source: Money's Dirty Little Secrets: How to Break the Rules, Get Filthy Rich, and Laugh All the Way to the Bank
“Seriously man, shut it.”
“Alright, alright. You’re the driver,” He raised his chip bag in toast, “My life is in your hands.”
Source: The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel