Best Airline Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 7

“I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.”

Funny Prayer Lord Travel Sick Chosen Bags Insightful Airline

“Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our highest priority is to get it to you, the public, before our competitors do. If the news media owned airlines, there would be a lot less concern about how many planes crashed, and a lot more concern about whose plane hit the ground first.”

Ifs Firsts Would Be Funny Focus Media Information News Highest Concern Speed Priorities Journalism Journalist Planes Competitors Airline News Media

Book:Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism

Source: Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism

“Many of the critics today get airline tickets, hotel accommodation, bags, beautiful photographs, gifts and other expenses paid by the distributors, and then are supposed to write serious articles about the movie.”

Writing Today Beautiful Serious Paid Critics Photograph Bags Hotel Expenses Articles Tickets Airline Accommodations Distributors Airline Ticket

Author:Wim Wenders

“We've got fuel prices coming down and good travel numbers coming out, so it's not surprising airline stocks are going up.”

Numbers Down And Fuel Coming Out Surprising Airline Fuel Prices

Author:Andrew Sullivan

“Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines”

Book Names Ill Tickets Garbage Airline Delta

Author:John Mulaney

“Airlines are interesting. They not only favor celebrities, they court them.”

Interesting Court Favors Airline

Book:My own story, Donahue

Source: My own story, Donahue

“With any luck, by the time NASA's space probe hits Pluto, you'll be booking a spaceflight with a privately run suborbital airline.”

Running Space Luck Airline Nasa Pluto Spaceflight

Author:Burt Rutan

“With the 2001 terror attacks, airline bankruptcies, pension terminations, loss of pay, changes in work rules — we're all working harder and longer than we used to.”

Used Loss Pay Harder Terror Airline Bankruptcy Pension Termination Terror Attacks

Author:Chesley Sullenberger

“You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?”

Should Funny Car Humour Phones Agents Agency Hotel Arrangements Screws Airline Phone Calls Screwed Up Hassle Car Rental Travel Agent

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."”

Ifs Said Stories Humor Funny Past Worry Food Type Humorous Window Planes Sat Bob Jet Airline Obsolete Aircraft Colonels Air Travel Swapping

Author:Bob Hope

“There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.”

Humor Funny Food Humorous Noses Subtle Pilots Rip Airline Landing Air Travel

Author:Bob Hope

“The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.”

Humor Funny Sea Modern Food Months Ocean Humorous My Family Storm Miles Violent Islands Aviation Primitive Airline Sailor Hardy Air Travel Hawaiians Polynesians

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.”

Stills Book Dream Humor Funny Air Food Humorous Sickness Dedicated Airline Just A Dream Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.”

Years Problem Humor Today Funny New York Food Humorous Hundred Years Ago California Equipment Airline Hares Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."”

Humans Humor Funny Form Objects Food Humorous Starting Entertainment Flight Broads Categories Consumption Airline Minerals Air Travel Airline Food

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.”

Ifs Humor Might Funny Jobs Causes Security Missing Food Humorous Saving Planes Airline Personnel Air Travel Saving Your Life

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.”

Humor Funny Hours Food Humorous Airports Procedures Airline One Hour Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Source: Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

“Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."”

Humor Funny Hours Food Industry Humorous Motto Airline Announcements Air Travel Airline Industry

Author:Dave Barry

“This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts.”

Years Humor Funny Hours Millions Records Four Air Food Humorous Feds Airline Passengers Peanuts Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Source: Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

“In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.”

Funny America Modern Food Humorous Airplane Airline Air Travel Modern America

Author:Dave Barry

“Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.”

Way Humor Funny Security Food Humorous Insane Granted Sanity Airports Airline Air Travel Airport Security

Book:Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism

Source: Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism

“The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.”

States Humor Able Funny United United States Food Humorous Complexes Patterns Flight Layers Protective Airline Missiles Dense Delayed Air Travel Puke

Author:Dave Barry

“The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.”

Ifs Hard Humor Funny Hate Food Late Humorous Terrorist Flight Planes Meals Beaten Crowded Airline Passengers Noisy Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.”

Humor Hands Funny Trouble Food Humorous Gun Dinner Boards Airline Air Travel Musk

Book:The World According to Dave Barry

Source: The World According to Dave Barry

“If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?”

People Ifs Humor Today Funny Land Food Computer Humorous Crosses Instruments Flying Covered Bottles Airplane Fog Sandwiches Airline Liquor Radar Runway Air Travel Bologna

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.”

Humor Bigs Funny Gone Sky Food Humorous Convinced Airline Triangles Luggage Air Travel Bermuda Bermuda Triangle

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.”

Writing Humor Funny Fiction Food Humorous Airline Fiction Writers Menus Air Travel

Author:Erma Bombeck

“The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.”

Mean Humor Funny Food Humorous Seats Smoking Captains Belts Lap Joints Airline Air Travel Seat Belts

Author:George Carlin

“I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.”

Humor Funny Food Humorous Airline Air Travel Just For Fun Airplanes And Flying

Author:George S. Kaufman

“I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."”

Years Humor Hands Light Funny Dies Food Humorous Threat Dues Smoke Thirty Airline Thirty Years Lighters Disposable Air Travel Secondhand Smoke

Book:Peace Kills

Source: Peace Kills

“Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.”

Mean Humor Funny Air Modern Food Humorous Airline Time Spent Air Travel

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell

“Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."”

Looks Humor Funny Names Security Food Months Computer Picks Humorous Seven Checks Officers Definite Airports Airline Diapers Racial Profiling Air Travel Seven Months Airport Security

Author:Robin Williams

“Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?”

Giving Loses Humorous Give Me Planes Nails Airline Air Travel

Author:Robin Williams

“England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.”

World Wells School Funny Humorous High School England Juniors Airline Junior High Cafeteria High School Junior School Cafeteria Airline Food

Author:Dave Barry

“It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.”

Funny Pay Cities New York Taxes Humorous Income Flight Apartment Airline Annuals Inconvenience

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“There is just no way that I can understand in God's green earth that an airline could undertake with its normal procedures the operation of the Space Shuttle. . . . You don't put parachutes on airliners because the margin of safety is built into the machine. The 727 airplanes we fly are proven vehicles with levels of safety and redundancy built in. The shuttle is a hand-made piece of experimental gear.”

“Juan Tripp was a friend. Good name for an airline man, huh? Juan Tripp after another?”

Men Names Airline Juan

Author:Fay Wray

“Curiously, a principle affects your life whether you are aware of it or not. For instance, the principle of gravity was working long before the apple ever fell on Newton's head. But once it did, and he understood it, then we as a society were free to harness this principle to create, among other things, airline flight.”

Long Principles Understood Flight Instance Apples Gravity Newton Airline Harness

Author:Andy Andrews

“Check bags are fun. I just make sure there won't be anything illegal in my check bag which is forbidden at a cabin of a plane. Just leaving things like scissors and such out of my carry-on things in order to avoid troubles with some certain airline, y'know.”

Knows Certain Order Fun Trouble Leaving Checks Planes Bags Illegal Forbidden Airline Cabins Scissors

Author:Kerry King

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