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Catholic Quotes

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Catholic Quotes

“There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.”

Reason Humor Funny Differences Religious Devil Dating Catholic Broke Broke Up Funny Dating Religious Differences

Author:Adam Ferrara

“All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.”

Humor Funny Balls Catholic Dirty Damn

Author:Bo Burnham

“You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.”

Humor Funny Next Doors Worship Catholic Neighbour Pipe Vines

Author:Tim Vine

“At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.”

Humor Funny Lasts Three Sex Church Catholic Weekend Apartment Cleaning Friday Request Catholic Church Rio Rio De Janeiro

Author:Tina Fey

“I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'”

Ifs Feels Humor Funny Catholic Feel Good Catholic Religion

Author:Adam Ferrara

“My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.”

Knows Humor Earth Funny Jesus Catholic My Favorite Graves Celebrate Rising Holiday Eggs Easter Coming Back Rabbits

Author:Adam Ferrara

“This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said "did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.”

“I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.”

Ifs Facts Humor Funny Catholic Sorry I'm Sorry Offended Not Sorry Offended You

Author:Bill Hicks

“Catholic school graduates exhibit a wide variety of qualities that will not only help them in their careers but also in their family and community lives.”

Inspirational Helping School Funny Community Quality Careers Catholic Wide Variety Graduates Graduation Exhibits Catholic School

Author:Joe Baca

“I mean, I went to a Catholic boys school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me.”

Years Mean Play School Funny Class Boys Catholic Hockey Nhl Contentious

Author:Keanu Reeves

“Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.”

Love Humor Funny Catholic True Love Being True Thick Flattery Baloney Blarney

Author:Fulton J. Sheen

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.”

People Knows Humor Funny Used Grows Stupid Catholic Used To Be Stupid People

Book:Last Words

Source: Last Words

“He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.”

Humor Funny Religion Faith Church Humorous Catholic

Author:Kingsley Amis

“I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.”

I Can Funny Together Hatred Catholic Misery Divorce Divorced After Divorce Happy Divorce Funny Divorce Going Through Divorce Festering Getting A Divorce

Author:Lenny Clarke

“I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.”

Humor Funny Catholic Buttons Belly Gave Up Belly Buttons

Author:Emo Philips

“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.”

Thinking Knows Kind Littles Play Funny Used Fun Bits Laughing Grew Mom Little Bit Grew Up Tests Catholic My Mom Boundaries Priests Had Fun I Had Fun Catholic Family

Author:Jenny McCarthy