“My husband taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.”
Funny Divorce Quotes
Browse 52 quotes about Funny Divorce.
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Funny Divorce Quotes
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”
“Conrad Hilton was very generous in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles.”
“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”
“You know, Elizabeth Taylor must be in Heaven going, 'Alright, fire two honey!'”
“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.”
Source: Mary, Mary
Source: Mary, Mary
Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin
Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
“Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.”
“In Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers.”
Source: Voltaire – The Philosophical Works: Treatise On Tolerance, Philosophical Dictionary, Candide, Letters on England, Plato’s Dream, Dialogues, The Study of Nature, Ancient Faith and Fable, Zadig…: From the French writer, historian and philosopher, famous for his wit, his attacks on the established Catholic Church, and his advocacy of freedom of religion and freedom of expression
“Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
“My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.”
“Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.”
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
“To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.”
“Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.”
Source: Bouncing back: I've survived everything-- and I mean everything-- and you can too!
“The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation.”
Source: Letters Written by the Earl of Chesterfield to His Son
“The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.”
“She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.”
“What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.”
“Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.”
Source: American Mom: Motherhood, Politics, and Humble Pie
“My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.”