“When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.”
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Famous Jack Benny Quotes
“There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.”
“I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.”
“No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.”
“I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.”
“I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.”
“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”
“I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.”
“A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.”
“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”
“I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.”
“I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.”
“How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.”