Best girl & humor Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.”

Littles Humor Funny Girl Comedy Four Thousand Clothes Dolls Stitches Girl Love

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause ? you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.”

Men Humor Funny Young Girl Fun Gains Female Weight Hot Males Movie Flash Motorcycle Menopause Hot Flashes

Author:John Wayne

“How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences.”

Humor Girl Water Religious Consequence Demon Fearful Commerce

Book:The Life of Luther Written by Himself

Source: The Life of Luther Written by Himself

“Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.”

Thinking Way Character Humor Funny Girl Grows Growing Up Growing Ten Skins Combination

Author:Tina Fey

“I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.”

Ifs Thinking Said Humor Funny Remember Girl Boys Dating Prison That Girl Funny Dating

Author:Bill Engvall

“The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.”

Knows Humor Funny Girl Right Now Dating Girlfriend My Girlfriend My Girl This Girl Funny Dating

Author:Adam Ferrara

“I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.”

Want Humor Funny Girl Sleep Dating Sincerely Want To Sleep Funny Dating

Author:Adam Ferrara

“I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.”

Said Humor Funny Girl My Friends Cookies This Girl Untouchables Mailing

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"”

Humor Funny Girl Sound Numbers Fronts Mets Zero Desks Front Desk

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.”

Humor Funny Girl Numbers Mets Actresses This Girl

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!"”

Giving Firsts Humor Funny Used Girl Middle Drink Yeah Wine Headache This Girl

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."”

Thinking Said Humor Funny Girl Making Love My Girl

Author:Garry Shandling

“You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.”

People Should Mean Shows Humor Care Age Funny Girl Nice Tvs Don't Care I Don't Care Grades Being Nice Tv Shows Other Girl Be Nice To People

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"”

Said Two Humor Age Funny Girl Waiting Pairs Bus

Author:Jimmy Carr

“A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"”

Humor Funny Girl Three Asks Months Doctors Forgotten Ignorant Pills Contradictory Three Months

Author:Frank Carson

“I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."”

Said Humor Funny Hate Girl Morning Cry I Hate Making Love Hate You This Girl Hate Myself I Hate Myself

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.”

Two Humor Funny Girl Known Break Cases Ugly Bags Over You Bagger

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.”

Use Humor Funny Girl Sex Prison Ugly Cures Offenders Sex Offenders

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.”

States Humor Funny Girl Building Ugly Planes Empires Empire State Building Empire State Ugly Girl

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!”

Humor Funny Faces Girl Saint Ugly

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.”

Humor Funny Girl Arms Bargains This Girl Pigtails

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.”

Ifs Should Littles Facts Humor Funny Girl Roles Models Role Models

Author:Sarah Silverman

“So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."”

Said Helping Problem Dream Humor Funny Beautiful Night Girl Break Arms Doctors Yesterday Pushing Rushing Beautiful Girl

Author:Tommy Cooper

“Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'”

Men Humor Funny Girl Asks One Day My Friends Ask Me That Girl One Day At A Time

Author:Adam Ferrara

“The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.”

Enough Humor Funny Beautiful Girl Hollywood Silicon

Author:Adam Ferrara

“My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"”

Years Two Home Humor Funny Girl Behinds Boys Saws Feet Son Walking Yeah Size My Son Genes Twelve Shut Up Gifted Walking Home

Author:Bill Engvall

“She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.”

Humor Funny Girl Tattoo

Author:Chic Murray

“A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'”

Done Humor Funny Girl Watches Clubs

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.”

World Trying Humor Funny Girl Lost Sex Poor Cups Bridges Scotland Virginity World Cup Having Sex

Author:Russell Howard

“Today's business and health care climate may not be pleasant. Cutbacks, pay cuts and layoffs do not make anyone's job easy. But that does not mean that the humor need stop.”

Needs May Mean Doe Humor Care Today Jobs Girl Easy Pay Cutting Climate Health Care Pleasant Mean Girls Layoff Cutbacks

Author:Allen Klein

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