“Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer. Women have to make jokes about themselves, laugh about themselves, because they have nothing to lose.” HumorStrongLosesAnswersLaughingWeaponsJokesNothing To Lose Author:Agnes Varda
“Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels. Church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not have to answer back.” HumorFunnySpeakChurchAnswersMassHearingFavorsCeremony Author:Charles de Gaulle
“Personally I don't spend much time thinking about being funny. For me it's always been just a way to get by, a way to be likable yet to remain removed. When I speak up, it's not because I have any particular answers; rather, I have a desire to puncture the pretentiousness of those who seem so certain they do.” ThinkingWayHumorSeemsDesireCertainSpeakAnswersParticularBeing FunnyPretentiousnessPuncture Book:Bachelor Girls Source: Bachelor Girls
“Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.” ProblemHumorCausesAnswersFoodAlcoholDrinking AlcoholBeer DrinkingFunny AlcoholAlcohol DrinkingAlcohol And LifeDrinking Problem Author:Matt Groening
“I urge all Texans to answer the call to serve those in need. By volunteering their time, energy or resources to helping others, adults and youngsters follow Christ's message of love and service in thought and deed. Therefore I, George W. Bush, Governor of Texas, do hereby proclaim June 10, 2000, Jesus Day in Texas and urge the appropriate recognition whereof. In official recognition whereof, I hereby affix my signature this 17th day of March, 2000.” NeedsHelpingHumorPoliticalJesusEnergyChristAnswersMessagesAdultsResourcesDeedsHelping OthersRecognitionOfficialsAppropriateUrgesTexasGovernorsVolunteerJuneAprilSignaturesYoungstersPolitical HumorTexanThose In Need Author:George W. Bush
“Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?” ThinkingTwoHumorFormPoliticalAnswersFiveHundredProgramPhonesSpendingEightyFilesBureaucratsPolitical Humor Author:George W. Bush
“I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know.” KnowsHumorPoliticalAnswersBottomPolitical Humor Author:George W. Bush
“And uh, so, I'm running for a reason. I'm answering this question here and the answer is, you cannot lead America to a positive tomorrow with revenge on one's mind. Revenge is so incredibly negative. And so to answer your question, I'm going to win because people sense my heart, know my sense of optimism and know where I want to lead the country. And I tease people by saying, "A leader, you can't say, follow me the world is going to be worse." I'm an optimistic person. I'm an inherently content person.” PeopleKnowsWorldWantMindHeartPersonsCountryReasonHumorRunningAmericaPoliticalWinningAnswersLeaderTomorrowMy HeartNegativeOptimismRevengeOptimisticTeaseFollow MePolitical HumorOptimistic Person Author:George W. Bush
“The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."” PeopleKnowsTwoRealEnoughHumorFunnyMovingNextAsksEasyAnswersNumbersPressesPhonesNext TimePhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was at a restaurant, and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "How would you like your eggs?" I thought I would answer her anyway and said, "Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!"” ThinkingSaidHumorFunnyAnswersCuttingLike YouUnderstoodRaisedDamnRestaurantsEggsChickensSandwichesWaitressBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, "DuFresnes, party of two." They say again, "DuFresnes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll just go to the next name, "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!” PeopleIfsKnowsTwoHumorSeemsCareFunnyThreeNextNamesWaitingAnswersPartyHappenedMissingCallingYeahBusyListsHungryRestaurants Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.” HumorKidsFunnyAnswersBoysAltars Author:Mike Birbiglia