“I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"” WantHumorFunnyAirColdBalloonsCold AirAir Balloons Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.” IfsHumorWould BeFunnyImpossibleColdDrinkIce Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."” IfsThinkingNeedsTwoSometimesProblemHumorFunnyNightHoursMiddleColdWake UpYeahCoveredSweatNo ProblemMiddle Of The Night Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.” IfsKnowsDoeHelpingHumorFunnyColdCome UpHealArrowsAlleviate Author:Mitch Hedberg
“It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.” RealHumorFunnyNightColdBaseballWarmTonightCold Night Author:Jerry Coleman
“This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."” HumorFunnyPastColdPleaseMessagesToneJust One Author:Bill Bailey
“Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.” KindCountryMomentsDreamHumorFunnyLastsPoorQualityBrokenColdLateEnglandBottomWeatherHolidayOnlineWildernessRetirementPieGreyPollsQuality Of LifePublic ServiceEuropean CountriesBroken DreamsHealth ServicesPoor Health Author:Bill Bailey
“Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."” ThinkingSaidHumorFunnyColdAspirin Author:Denis Leary
“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.” HumorFunnyAirColdGrandfatherMy GrandfatherBalloonsCold AirAir Balloons Author:Milton Jones
“I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'” ShouldLooksSaidTwoHumorFunnyLastsNightWeekColdChineseMealsRestaurantsChickensLast NightTwo WeeksWaiter Author:Tommy Cooper
“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.” ThinkingShouldLongCountryBodyHumorAbleFunnyWiseFoodColdEatingRateAssBlockCaliforniaDietsVegetarianVeganYou ChooseVegetarianismVegetarian HealthKilling YourselfFree CountryVegan HealthDrivewayVegetarian FoodVegan FoodWise Ass Author:Scott Adams