“I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.” DoeStillsHumorHandsFunnyEasyBehindsMilitaryEqualArmyLegsEaseRelaxPartingBrosUptightBehind My Back Author:Mitch Hedberg
“It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.” ImportantHumorFunnyEasyForgetSituationLaughingComedyGraceLaughterAspectExcellenceSavingAmbiguitySaving Grace Author:Stephen Fry
“It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.” EnoughHumorFunnyValuesFoundEasyMock Author:Stephen Fry
“I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!” KnowsWayDoeSaidTwoHumorFunnyTogetherEasyBornSimpleSawsMiddleMissingTvsArmsLettersRaisesThey SaidContractions Author:Mitch Hedberg
“This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum.” MadeHardHumorFunnyThreeEasyFourTvsProductsShotsFinalsAvailableComplicatedStampsPaymentSealsEnvelopesDenominationsMailman Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".” WantDoeHumorSeemsFunnyJobsEasyAddKitchenRefrigeratorsAppliancesToastersBlenders Author:Mitch Hedberg
“The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."” PeopleKnowsTwoRealEnoughHumorFunnyMovingNextAsksEasyAnswersNumbersPressesPhonesNext TimePhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.” IfsShouldHumorFunnyNightEasyDarkRoomsMiddleProductsIntegrityShould HaveMadSurpriseBoxesVersionsBusCheeseTemperatureMiddle Of The NightCrackersGlow In The Dark Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool.” HumorFunnyCertainEasyFoolFooled Author:Edward Teller
“I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.” NeedsHumorFunnyWishEasyBottlesEasy To Get Author:Chelsea Handler
“Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.” HumorFunnyEasyFingersToesFingers And Toes Author:Bo Burnham