Best humor & heard Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.”

Two Humor Funny Three Cities Worry Study Heard New York Train Flesh Wounds Hey Phrases New York City Taxi

Author:David Letterman

“The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.”

Ifs Way Feels Two Humor Funny Names Party Lord Heard Republican Humorous Democrat Reverse Dams Hoover Hoover Dam

Book:Will Rogers Speaks: Over 1,000 Timeless Quotations for Public Speakers (writers, Politicians, Comedians, Browsers ...)

Source: Will Rogers Speaks: Over 1,000 Timeless Quotations for Public Speakers (writers, Politicians, Comedians, Browsers ...)

“I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state.”

Important States Humor Political Church Heard Appreciate Bridges Discussion Texas Initiative Church And State Political Humor Faith Based

Author:George W. Bush

“God's signs are not always the ones we look for. We learn in tragedy that his purposes are not always our own. Yet the prayers of private suffering, whether in our homes or in this great cathedral, are known and heard, and understood.”

Looks Home Humor Political Purpose Suffering Prayer Known Heard Understood Tragedy Cathedrals Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“I've heard the call. I believe God wants me to run for president.”

Want Believe Humor Running Political I Believe President Heard Believe In God Want Me Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any.”

People Humor Christian Religious Heard Jew

Author:Martin Luther

“The Devil...clutched hold of the miserable young man...and flew off with him through the ceiling, since which time nothing has been heard of him.”

Men Has Beens Humor Young Religious Heard Devil Miserable Young Man Ceilings Flew

Author:Martin Luther

“So tenaciously should we cling to the world revealed by the Gospel, that were I to see all the Angels of Heaven coming down to me to tell me something different, not only would I not be tempted to doubt a single syllable, but I would shut my eyes and stop my ears, for they would not deserve to be either seen or heard.”

World Should Different Humor Eye Heaven Religious Doubt Heard Angel Deserve Ears Tempted Syllables

Author:Martin Luther

“I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.”

Ifs Humor Funny Guy Heard Jokes I Realized Ridiculous Cherries Tomatoes

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".”

People Humor Funny Heard Chocolate Epidemics

Author:Demetri Martin

“I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!”

Knows Humor Funny Together Heard Scar Bees Wrists Back Together Together Again Back Together Again Getting Back Together Bee Gees

Author:Denis Leary

“I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson." When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it."”

Want Said Two Humor Funny Waiting Hours Heard Air Late Flying Noise Engines Pilots Spain Hostesses

Author:Frank Carson

“When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.”

Humor Funny Guy Heard Bags Gucci Cristiano Ronaldo

Author:Frankie Boyle

“People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.”

People Thinking Way Heart Humor Funny Dies Sex Heard Drug Phrases Good Way Heart Attack

Author:Frankie Boyle

“In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.”

Years Shows Humor Funny Heard Amount Bitter Show Business Overnight Success

Author:Marc Maron

“Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.”

Feelings Humor Funny Heard Bullshit

Author:Tommy Cooper

“Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.”

Thinking Men Humor Funny Song Causes Black Heard New Songs

Author:Natasha Leggero

Humor Quotes

Related topics

Humor Quotes