“The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.” MenStillsBodyHumorGovernmentFunnyHateLinesAlivePoliceRapIceReportsRapperDead ManVanillaChalkBiggie Author:Chris Rock
“Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.” MenHumorFunnyLyingFoundPoliceIceCoveredCreamIce CreamVansLying On The Floor Author:Tommy Cooper
“My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.” TryingHumorFunnyRightsFrontsPoliceSuicideCommittedCivil RightsGrandmotherBusGreat Grandmother Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.” TwoHumorFunnyCarPoliceChecksSpotsPimples Author:Chic Murray
“A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.” MenYearsHumorFunnyPoliceSouthSuspectsCasinosDakotaMummySouth Dakota Author:Craig Ferguson
“Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!” BelieveStillsRealHumorFunnyHouseNicePoliceBrokeGood TimesToo NiceNice House Author:Dave Chappelle