“If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.” IfsWantHumorFunnySeaRiversSticksVery GoodFishesBoatLakesFishingPostureGood Posture Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.” HumorFunnyLostFeltComedySticksMortalityBubblesFlavorPonderingGumCarefree Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.” IfsKnowsTwoHumorFunnyTurnsNextImaginePlayerMagicBeatsSticksSoupBassDrummerWandsBass PlayersMagic Wands Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.” HumorWould BeFunnyJobsSticksFishesFishingConvenient Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Some comics get drunk before a show. I don't. When I get drunk, I don't want to stand in front of a bunch of people that I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated and not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand? I want a chair too!” PeopleKnowsWayWantDoeShowsHumorHandsFunnySoundFrontsComfortableSticksBunchDrunkChairsElectric Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.” KindStillsHumorFunnyStuffJokesSticksFishesGrossDipToothpaste Author:Mitch Hedberg
“How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.” DoeHumorFunnySidesSticksSeedsGlueBunsAdhesive Author:Mitch Hedberg
“My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.” YearsHumorFunnyBeatsDiedSticksFollowingSundayBuriedSaltUnclesFridayJimmyCemeteryLiverWednesday Author:Frank Carson
“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.” IfsKnowsGivingHumorFunnyBirthSticksEggsInsectsJarsDid You Know Author:Tim Vine