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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“I want to thank you for coming to the White House to give me an opportunity to urge you to work with these five senators and three congressmen, to work hard to get this trade promotion authority moving. The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here.”

“[Andrew Jackson] was actually 70 years old when he left the White House”

Years Humor House Left White White House Andrew

Book:Ronald Reagan

Source: Ronald Reagan

“I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!”

Humor Funny Faces White Race Teeth

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.”

People Ifs Humor Care Funny Black Lines White Racism Draws Green Don't Care I Don't Care Purple

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy.”

Ifs Firsts Looks Humor Would Be Funny Asks House President White Female Ask Me White House Really Cool Cozy Female President

Author:Jennifer Lopez

“Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.”

Humor Funny America White Talking Type Violent

Author:Bill Bailey

“On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.”

Men World Giving Ends Humor Funny Father House White Television White House Buttons Desks

Author:Billy Connolly

“All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?”

People Thinking Humor Funny Mother Causes White Crazy France Soil Detroit Pussy

Author:Chris Rock

“Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"”

Men Humor Funny White Rich Car Checks Wealthy White Man Bling Shaq

Author:Chris Rock

“I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.”

Humans War Humor Funny Human Beings White Party Support Wonderful Republican Members Rational Inclusion Troops

Author:David Cross

“Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?”

Persons Humor Funny Guy Black White Okay Mates Primates Not Okay Black Guys

Author:Frankie Boyle

“Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?”

People Shows Humor Funny White Race

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.”

People Shows Humor Reality Would Be Funny Black White Four Neighborhood Hunts Reality Shows Crackers

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.”

People Humor Funny Grows White Growing Up College Asian Packing Fudge

Author:Adam Carolla

“New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.”

People Humor Funny White Scare

Author:Dave Chappelle

“You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.”

People Knows Humor Funny Names Black White Know How Borders Kitchen Restaurants Black People Mexican Barrels Shackles Cafes Crackers Nevermind

Author:George Lopez

“White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!”

People Humor Funny White Return Can Not Receipts

Author:Katt Williams

“I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"”

Persons Said I Can Humor Funny Black Can Do White Race My Favorite Insult Chickens Plus Soup Asian Beans Crackers Slurs

Author:Mike Birbiglia