Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.”

Knows Care Humorous Doctors Bills Medicine Medical Health Care Mask Surgery Medical Profession Cancer Courage Wearing A Mask Medical Doctor Medical Education Cancer And Hope Medical Bills

Author:James H. Boren

“Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.”

Funny Choices Belief Water Virtue Fine Expectations Conscious Humorous Medicine Medical Beast Fence Great Expectations Cupboards Elixir Nastiness Great Expectations Important

Book:Great Expectations

Source: Great Expectations

“Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organised to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.”

“Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.”

Literature Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Best Things Feeding Injection Best Medical

Author:Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Ifs Knows I Can Funny Records Comedy Air Humorous Victim Who You Are Medical Teeth Crash Amazed Dentist Dental Toothache Dentistry Dental Work

Author:Paul Merton

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

Inspirational Inspiration Funny Health Office Humorous Doctors Died Plant Medical Funny Inspirational Medical Profession Hilarious Short Medical Doctor Medical Education Plant Medicine Funny Thoughts Plants And Life

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.”

World War Next Answers Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Vaccines Vaccinations

Author:Napoleon Bonaparte

“Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.”

Has Beens Known Cases Impossible Disease Humorous Medical Cures Symptoms Researchers

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.”

Men Made Humor Care Funny Dies Numbers Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Reputation

Book:Collected letters: 1926-1950

Source: Collected letters: 1926-1950

“The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.”

Humor Running Funny Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Denial

Author:Denis Diderot

“Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.”

May Humorous Doctors Medicine Affair Medical Operations Modern Life Best Medical

Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)

Source: Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)

“It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?”

Source: Earth in the Balance: Forging a New Common Purpose