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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs. They also believe that if you sleep with your head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth.”

Ifs Believe Mean Hands Bigs Fall Lost Sleep White Ten Humorous Israel British Teeth Fairy Britain Yellow Tribes Pillow Measurement Pyramids Anglo Saxon

Author:Mike Harding

“You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.”

Thinking Knows Men World Should White Party Know How Example Humorous Dresses Shoes Suits Farmers Leisure Plastic Pigs Costumes Belts

Author:Dave Barry

“Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter - for they had a machine, a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside it, for it was all they had - first they saved up all their atoms, then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine.”

Source: The Cyberiad

“There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.”

Men World Inspiration Political White Civilization Diversity Humorous Social Justice Notion Savages White Man

Book:The Chicago of Europe, and Other Tales of Foreign Travel

Source: The Chicago of Europe, and Other Tales of Foreign Travel

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”

Ifs Way Funny Nature White Pieces Feet Humorous Scream Sharks Seaweed

Author:Axl Rose

“Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.”

People Men Way Bigs White Figures Humorous Baseball Starting Shakes Bats White Man Riot Funny Baseball

Author:Dick Gregory

“The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.”

Long Past White Air Sky Lows Humorous Shots Blue Filled Notes Clouds Sarcasm Bees Insects Forks Drifting Drones Tuning

Book:Beyond the City

Source: Beyond the City

“We will reduce the White House staff by 25 percent”

House White Stupid Percent Humorous White House Staff

Author:William J. Clinton

“$100,000 donors buy access to Congress and the White House. We believe it's long past time to clean up Washington.”

Believe Long Past House White Stupid Humorous Clean Congress Access White House Donors

Author:William J. Clinton

“We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)”

Humor Funny Church White Worship Humorous Hundred Twenties Towns Brown Chickens Chests Trading Stamps

Book:At Wit's End

Source: At Wit's End