“Dan Moldea, the lead investigator for Larry Flynt's ongoing quest to uncover sexual indiscretions of Republican congressional members, has now admitted he was hired by the law firm defending President Clinton.” HumorLawPresidentReligiousRepublicanMembersClintonPositive AtheismFirmQuestsOngoingLarryInvestigatorsPresident ClintonLaw Firms Author:Jerry Falwell
“I ordered a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "Well, so do I!" "Then let's form a club." "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle, and in the middle we will dump chips." "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed."” NeedsFeelsWellsHumorFunnyFormThreePiecesFourCuttingMiddleMembersClubsCirclesBreadEmsChipsSandwichesDumpTrianglesToothpicksStipulations Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.” HumorFunnyBitsTermLimitsMembersVoteAskingCongressChickensIncumbentsColonelsTerm Limits Author:Bob Inglis
“Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God').” SometimesHumorFunnyKnownMembersCall Me Author:Anthony Sampson
“The house of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most of its members.” WorldHumorFunnyHouseLordMembersInstitutionsEfficientPersistentHouse Of Lords Author:Herbert Samuel, 1st Viscount Samuel
“Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.” MaySaidHumorFunnyPleaseMembersSorryLiarsSpeakersHonorablePunctuationI Am SorryAm Sorry Author:Richard Brinsley Sheridan
“I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.” ThinkingShouldHumorFunnyWalksMembersCastsTwilightClosetsCast Members Author:Chelsea Handler
“I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.” WayHumorFunnyMembersOrganizationTerroristViolentDepartmentLaundryNon ViolentCatering Author:Bill Bailey
“I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.” HumansWarHumorFunnyHuman BeingsWhitePartySupportWonderfulRepublicanMembersRationalInclusionTroops Author:David Cross
“You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!” KnowsImportantHumorFunnyDecisionHalfStrangeCoupleMembersLonelyIntelligentSaneOrganismsStrange Things Author:Dylan Moran
“You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.” KnowsI CanHumorFunnyHalfMagicMembersVery GoodCirclesTricks Author:Tim Vine
“Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.” HumorFunnyMembersGum Author:George Lopez
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” LifeHumorFunnyMembersHumorousWittyClubsRefuseComedianJoiningMembershipAnnie Hall Author:Groucho Marx
“I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.” PeopleHumorInspirationCareFunnyAcceptingMembersClubsDon't CareLike MeI Don't CareFunny Inspirational Author:Groucho Marx
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.” LifeHumorFunnyPoliticalPoliticsLibertyMembersDrinkingCongressWittyLibertarianIdiotRepeatsSarcasticGoverningFreedom And LibertyProhibitionFreedom LibertyProperty RightsLimited GovernmentFunny RelationshipPoisonousPolitical HumorLimiting GovernmentLibertarian PartyLimited FreedomPolitical WillGreat LibertarianFunny PoliticalLimiting FreedomGreat PoliticalGovernment And PoliticsGovernment PoliticsPolitics FunnyFunny PoliticianLegislative BranchDark SarcasmAnti PoliticalBest PoliticalPolitical Wisdom Author:Mark Twain