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“Summoning my inner Kojak, I tried to convince myself that she would have sat next to me even had there been somewhere else on the bus to sit. Unfortunately, I didn't do a very good job of self-persuasion. Good thing I wasn't in court suing myself, because I would have lost. From: "My Best Valentine's Day.Ever: A Short Story”

“So I'm delighted to open up a bit about these particular details, in honor of Valentine's Day (when every balding, chubby, and short actuary wants people - especially the babes out there - to know about his studly past" From: "My Best Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story”

“Rare contact creates a stir. Gossip spreads. Tensions build. Denying Pissec, miserable Obelmäker and repressed Baumauer are all seething-jealous – openly or reservedly – within the hour. The pay rise promise is working a treat. Brichacek’s licking the tip of a pencil with her sticky pink tongue. “Stop flirting,” he tells her, but he looks at her breasts and thinks, The girls with the bruises in the sex films are just dead dolls, but this pretty toy is alive.”

“Maxwell D. Kalist is a receiving teller at a city bank, Orwell and Finch, where he runs an efficient department of twenty two clerks and twelve junior clerks. He carries a leather-bound vade mecum everywhere with him – a handbook of the most widely contravened banking rules. He works humourlessly (on the surface of it) in a private, perfectly square office on the third floor of a restored grain exchange midway along the Eastern flank of Květniv’s busy, modern central plaza. Behind his oblong slate desk and black leather swivel chair is an intimidating, three-storey wall made almost entirely of bevelled, glare-reducing grey glass in art-deco style; one hundred and thirty six rectangles of gleam stacked together in a dangerously heavy collage.”

“Each day of the week, Kalist indulges himself in a different, secret ritual. On Mondays, he wears cologne. On Tuesdays, he eats meat for lunch. On Wednesdays, he places a bet after work. On Thursdays, he smokes one cigarette (but claims he’s not a smoker). On Fridays, he treats himself to his favourite pastime: horse practice – he grew up with horses and likes to try and emulate their distinctive whinnies, snorts, neighs, snuffles, sighs, grunts, fluttering nostrils, the occasional aggressive outburst and the especially beautiful nicker of a mare to her foal. And, on Saturdays, lest we forget, Maxwell D. Kalist drinks wine from a chalice.”

“راستش نه آنها به من نقش می دادند و نه من این کاره بودم. اگر احساس گناه می کنم، به نظرم برای این است که وقتی من حتی سر سوزنی هم رؤیاپردازی نمی کردم، اجازه دادم او همین طور رؤیا ببافد. من فقط داشتم تظاهر می کردم تا کمی ترقی کنم. مثل روز برایم روشن بود که هیچ وقت ستاره ی سینما نخواهم شد. خیلی کار سختی است. اگر باهوش باشی، خسابی معذب می شوی. من به اندازه ی کافی عقده ی حقارت ندارم. ظاهرش این است که برای ستاره ی سینما شدن باید خیلی خودمحور باشی. اما در واقعیت شر شرطش این است که هیچ منیتی نداشته باشی.”

“تا روزی که بدانم جایی را پیدا کرده ام که من و چیزهایش به هم تعلق داریم، نمی خواهم مالک چیزی باشم. خودم هم درست نمی دانم آن جا کجاست. اما می دانم چه شکلی است.”

“(( چرت نگو. چه اشکالی دارد به مردی که دوستش داری نگاه موقرانه بیندازی؟ مردها زیبایند، بیشترشان زیبایند، و ژوزه هم همینطور. اگر حتی نمی خواهی نگاهش کنی، به نظر من که یک بشقاب ماکارونی سرد نصیبش شده. )) (( صدایت را بیییار پایین )) (( محال است عاشقش باشی. بفرما. جواب سوالت را گرفتی؟ )) (( نننه، چون من یک بشقاب ماکارونی سرد نیستم. من یک آدم رررقیق القلبم. خمیره ی شخصیت من همینطور است.)) (( قبول. تو قلب رئوفی داری. اما من ترجیح می دهم با یک بطری آب داغ به رخت خواب بروم. گرمایش ملموس تر است.((”

“तु और तेरी दोस्ती मेरी नज़र में मेरी दोस्त बहुत 'माईने' रखती है, जो हर वक़्त मेरे साथ होने का एहसास दिलाती है । लोग कहते है ज़िन्दगी हमें बहुत खूबसूरत दोस्त देती है । लेकिन पर मैं कहती हूँ, अच्छे दोस्त हमें खूबसूरत ज़िन्दगी देते है । किसी ने सच ही कहा है :- मिलना बिछड़ना सब किस्मत का खेल है. कभी नफ़रत तो कभी एक दुसरे का मेल है. दुनिया में बिक जाते है हर रिश्ते, सिर्फ दोस्ती ही यहाँ नॉट फॉर सेल होती है. आइए अपने शब्दों अपने दोस्त के लिए कुछ कहना चाहती हूँ अगर आपकी भी कोई ऐसा दोस्त हो जिस के बिना आपको आपकी ज़िन्दगी आपकी दोस्त के बिना बेरंग लगती है उनको ये कविता भेज सकते है………. एहसान नहीं एहसास है तेरी दोस्ती, ज़िन्दगी का भार नहीं, खूबसूरत एहसास है तेरी दोस्ती जिंदगी की मुश्किल नहीं, मुश्किलों का हल है तेरी दोस्ती, मेरे सपनो की उड़ान और प्यारी सी मुस्कान है तेरी दोस्ती, जान देना कोई बड़ी बात नहीं, उम्र भर साथ देना है तेरी दोस्ती, गुलाब के फूल और उसकी महकती हुए खुशबू का राज है तेरी दोस्ती, Negi तुम नहीं जानती तुम और तेरी दोस्ती दोनों कितनी प्यारी है… उन दिनों की बात है जब वो Interview देने Aishwarya Group आई थी, तब First Introduction हुआ था तो उसकी मासूमियत उसके चेहरे पे झलक रही थी । उसका धीरे -2 से बोलना बहुत प्यारा सा लगा दिल को छू रहा था । Interview के कुछ दिनों के बाद 29/11/2017 को Aishwarya Health Care में New joining थी । सारे Employee की तरह Negi का Introduction सब (General Manager, HOD All Employee) से करवाया…… मुझे नहीं पता वो मेरे बारे में क्या सोचती थी मेरे प्रति उसके क्या विचार थी । मेरी ओर से दिन- प्रतिदिन थोड़ी -2 Attachment उसके लिए बढ़ रही थी । मुझे उसकी बातें और हरकतें मुझे बहुत अच्छी लगती थी । एक तो वो कुछ बोलती नहीं थी और जब भी बोलती थी बहुत तेजी से बोलती, कभी -2 वो मेरा नाम ले लेती थी जब मेरा नाम लेती मुझे बहुत अच्छा लगता है पर मैंने उसको कभी एहसास नहीं होने दिया जब वो मेरा नाम लेती है तो मुझे कितना अच्छा लगता है एक अपनापन सा feel होता है कुछ लोग उसके बारे में बहुत गलत बोलते थे पर मैंने उन लोगो की बातों को Ignore कर देती थी । (कुछ दिनो के बाद) वक्त के साथ-साथ हमारा ये रिश्ता और मजबूत बनता गया और अजनबी से बहुत अच्छे दोस्त बन गए । Office से Rental House और Rental House से Office एक साथ आना - जाना शुरू हो गया । उसका Rental House मेरे Rental House से 2 km की दुरी पे था । हम दोनों का एक बस में आना जाना रहता था, हम दोनों एक साथ एक ही Prem बस में Office आते थे और एक साथ एक ही Rental House Friends बस में जाते थे । हम दोनों का सफर बहुत अच्छा था, बहुत अच्छा था वो बीता कल । Negi का पूरा नाम Hemlata है । मैं उसको प्यार से Negi बोलती हूँ, मेरी पहाड़ों की रानी, Negi उत्तराखंड की रहने वाली है, वो बहुत अच्छी लड़की है बस उसकी एक ही कमी है, वो बहुत कम बोलती है सारे उसका मजाक उड़ाते रहते थे जो मुझे पसंद नहीं आता । मानती हूँ कम बोलना सबसे अच्छी बात मानी जाती है और यह एक सच्चे और सभ्य इंसान की पहचान भी होती है। इस दुनिया मे कई तरह के लोग हैं जिनके सोचने का तरीका अलग अलग है। कुछ लोग कम बोलने वाले को पसन्द करते हैं तो कुछ लोग अधिक बोलने वाले को । अधिक बोलने वाले का तो कुछ भी नुकसान नही होता लेकिन कम बोलने वाले कभी कभी मुसीबत में पड़ जाते हैं । Negi के साथ भी कुछ ऐसा हो रहा था धीरे -2 समय बढ़ता गया । कुछ लोग Negi की ज्यादा खिल्ली उड़ाते हैं और ये खिल्ली उड़ाने वाले लोग वे ही होते हैं जो खुद किसी काम के नही होते । Negi ना ही अपने हक ले लिए किसी से लड़ नही पाती थी । जिसके वजह से कभी कभी वह खुद का हक भी गवां बैठती है। इसलिए हर रोज उसको समझना ये जरूरी था कि हर जगह कम न बोला जाए । जहां इसकी जैसी जरूरत है वैसा ही करने में भलाई है। अक्सर देखा गया है Negi की कम बोलने की आदत लोगो को ज्यादा बिगाड़ा दिया था जिसके चलते दूसरे लोग उसको सुना देते है लेकिन वो जवाब नही दे पाती। कोई भी कभी भी कुछ भी कह देता है क्योंकि लोग ये जान चुके थे कि Negi जवाब में कुछ नही कह पायेगी । इसलिए यह जरूरी है कि Negi इतना भी कम नही बोलो की सामने वाला कुछ भी कह के निकल जाए । कम बोलना बहुत ही अच्छी बात है लेकिन Negi कम बोलने की वजह से खुद ही परेशान हो जाती थी । सब से अच्छी बात ये है जरूरत के अनुसार Negi ने खुद को Change कर लिया । कब कहां कितना बोलना सब सीख गई है अब हमारी Negi बड़ी हो गई है अब वो कभी कभी मुझे भी समझती है जब मै परेशान हो जाती हूँ ।”

“Even if I had convict ancestry, I wouldn’t be ashamed of it. As far as I’m concerned, the real criminals back in those days weren’t twelve-year-old boys nicking a loaf of bread or a pair of socks to ward off hunger and blisters. No, it was those who exploited them; keeping the battler in the gutter while they sat around in their manors, sipping tea and admiring portraits of their toffee-nosed great grandfathers.”

“Mi ero svegliato stanco come mi ero addormentato, una luce tagliente che entrava dalla finestra creando dal nulla nuvole dorate di polvere. Non era la luce di tutti gli altri giorni, non era bianca o rosa, allegra o triste, rinfrescante, bagnata o calda, ma era più potente di tutte le luci di tutte le albe che avevo vissuto, riusciva a entrare fin negli angoli più nascosti, riusciva a curvare e percorrere i disegni dei più oscuri labirinti fino a svelare quegli interstizi dove mai luce era arrivata, dove forse mai lo sguardo si era posato. Guardando i suoi occhi neri e grandi non potevo fare a meno di pensare a quella luce verde che aveva inondato tutti gli oggetti, che era scesa dolorosamente negli occhi e che ora scorreva ineliminabile nelle vene. Di fronte al suo specchio di carne mi capitò di dire le cose verdi che non avrei mai pensato di poter dire e che forse non dovrebbero mai essere pronunciate”

“Mrs Davidson was saying she didn't know how they'd have got through the journey if it hadn't been for us," said Mrs Macphail, as she neatly brushed out her transformation. "She said we were really the only people on the ship they cared to know." "I shouldn't have thought a missionary was such a big bug that he could afford to put on frills." "It's not frills. I quite understand what she means. It wouldn't have been very nice for the Davidsons to have to mix with all that rough lot in the smoking-room." "The founder of their religion wasn't so exclusive," said Dr Macphail with a chuckle. William Somersert Maugham, "Rain”

“At one point, I began to think that I had a divine doorman. Lenny was the most unlikely incarnation of God I could imagine, and yet, I kept drifting irresistibly towards this absurd conclusion. Despite my staunchly atheistic inclinations, I couldn't explain Lenny any other way. But eventually I came to my senses and realized that he was just one of those game show freaks with an encyclopedic memory. That didn't make him God, did it? Would God proclaim so regularly how much he likes Patsy's Pizza?”

“I had always been an atheist until I met Lenny. He was too wonderously complex and good for there to be no benevolent and intelligent force behind our marvelous cosmos. Lenny gave me the actual proof my fiercely skeptical mind had always demanded. Not some logical, 37-step proof of God's existence. It was a personal proof. And it was irrefutable.”

“He plunged into the foliage, and was swept into a humid, wet world of towering trees, animal chirps and thick ferns. After a few steps, he turned, and could barely make out the village. He walked a few more steps. He could see nothing now except for the thick trees and long ferns and grasses that surrounded him. He was enveloped into the confined space between trees, surrounded by the jungle heat and staccato chirps. He turned in the direction of the village, but could only see thick, dense trees. Hoping his sense of direction had not been muddled, he turned back around to the direction of the alleged ocean, and kept walking. Now the calls he heard sounded more and more strange. How far had he walked by now? The jungle, or rain forest, whatever it was, did not relent, and he kept on weaving into narrow gaps between the sturdy ferns and towering trees, pressing onwards. This continued for a seemingly oppressive amount of time, and he began to doubt his decision. To come to this place. To take a chance with his life, which was going in the right direction. Why couldn’t he be happy with the normal and mundane, he cursed, scolding his own stubbornness”

“His cell-phone rang. Dominic fumbled for it on the nightstand next to the couch, the dim lights not helping his endeavour. He had piercing, generic, banal fluorescent lights on his face all the time at work and at University, it was so bad it made him loathe even natural sunlight. Lucky this apartment’s living room light had a dimmer. He flipped open his phone and said hello. ‘Hey Dom, how you doin’?’ a voice boomed. It was Ben. They proceeded to talk about the upcoming exams, which were deceptively close as it was week 10 at the moment. Yes, they would be alright. Yes, they would meet up afterwards. No, he hadn’t studied more than Ben had. As he clapped the phone closed after the genial conversation reached its natural nadir, he had forgotten most of what had been said”

“Given our new situation, I think you should find a more appropriate way to address me Polly. Do so now please.” I don’t even have to think. An invisible shroud of submission seems to have fallen over me and the prospect of surrendering to this beautiful creature is the only thing on my mind, because I do – absolutely – want her to fuck me, and I have never wanted anything so much…”

“The father and daughter made their way north, through unknown sylvan paradises where only the owls and skunks know their way around. The hard work of paddling non-stop for many hours had long since stopped being difficult for Saweyimew. In spite of her beauty and grace, her back had grown strong and sinewy from years of canoe trips. She reveled in the exhilaration it always brought her, after the first few hours left her body insensible to pain or discomfort. Warm and tingly, lulled into peaceful contemplation by hours of the rhythmic paddling, the smell of the water, exotic blooms, animal musk. It all combined as one to make her feel so alive. Especially when it rained, and her body steamed against the cool drops, feeling invincible against the elements. The mountain of her father's back was like a rock against anything nature could throw against them. The stream of fragrant pipe-smoke still flowing from his lips, regardless of any obstacle. She felt at that moment, nothing would ever stop her father's pipe from smoking. Nothing, not death, not any force of the living or spirit world, would ever still her father's heart. Rain cleansing her to the core, she was a spring of raw power and self-reliance, paddling against all adversity--their master completely. Her father's daughter. At times like that, when it rained, she entirely understood and shared her father's outlook on life.”

“In Gretons-sur-Mer, the villagers, through the auspicious care of the Bouletiers, returned to their human form. Sometimes they wondered, looking at their reflection on the surface of water or on the rounded shine of a pewter pitcher, if a part of them had remained beastly, if the whiskers atop their lips had been there before. They wondered, stroking the spot, and mused on their transformation, to that time of war when the fabric of life was briefly woven with magic.”