Best wife & car Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“The car, the furniture, the wife, the children - everything has to be disposable. Because you see the main thing today is - shopping.”

Children Today Wife Car Shopping Furniture Disposable

Author:Arthur Miller

“A Saudi Arabian prince has said that oil may never again rise above $100 a barrel. He said it's gotten so bad he can't afford to buy his wife her own car that she's not allowed to drive.”

May Said Wife Car Oil Rise Above Saudis Barrels Arabian

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I like Mercedes because my wife has been in two big accidents and emerged without a scratch, thanks to the safety of these cars.”

Has Beens Two Bigs Wife Car Safety My Wife Accidents Thanks Scratches

Author:Nobu Matsuhisa

“I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out.”

Men May Philosophy Political House Careers Wife Car Comfortable Importance Embrace Committed Ugly Being True Chairs Furniture Political Philosophy

Author:Erma Bombeck

“The reason I keep talking about a wife and saying the word wife on stage is because it seems a funny word to me. The more you say it, the more it seems to detach from that person and become this sort of abstract thing: that you would set out to find a wife, that it would be an objective like buying a new car.”

Persons Reason Seems Would Be Talking Wife Stage Car Objectives Abstract Buying New Car Keep Talking

Author:Stephen Merchant

“When Im in town on Sundays, I sometimes go down to the Central Bar in the East Village to watch English football. But my natural inclination now is to get in the car with my wife and kids and get out of town.”

Sometimes Kids Natural Watches Wife Car Football Towns My Wife East Bars Sunday Village Inclination English Football My Wife And Kids East Village

Author:Joe Scarborough

“I told my wife I'm afraid to go back to the doctor because I'm afraid they're going to look at you and say: 'ma'am, just sell him for parts. It's like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.”

Looks Wife One Thing Car Doctors Sells My Wife Old Car

Author:Bill Engvall

“I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.”

Looks Humor Funny Used Found Wife Car Dresses My Wife Seats Used Car

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“God has blessed me in many ways. Money is not the greatest blessing you can have, but I literally had absolutely nothing. The first message that I preached at Life in the Word, I had to borrow a suit from my pastor's wife, because I didn't have any decent clothes, and I was driving a 20-year-old car. We went through a lot of years of having nothing, sleeping in McDonald's parking lots, because we didn't have money to stay all night in a hotel. But, like anybody else who works hard and is diligent and doesn't quit and doesn't give up, there is a day the blessings come.”

“My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."”

Said Humor Funny Guy Wife Car My Wife Stores Plates License Headings License Plate

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I think women are great drivers. To be honest, I've only been in one car accident - one of my best friends, his wife was driving. She went into oncoming traffic, our car flipped almost four times. I didn't even have time to put on a seat belt, because they'd just picked me up.”

Thinking Four Wife Honest Car Accidents Driving Being Honest Seats Drivers Traffic My Best Friend Belts Flipped Car Accident Seat Belts

Author:Dominic Cooper

“I'm in my father's car at age 9 or 10 crying to Leonard Cohen's 'Famous Blue Raincoat,' thinking that you could write nearly a love letter to a man who betrayed you by having an affair with your wife. I was thinking how wonderful and pure music can be for explaining situations.”

Thinking Men Writing Age Father Situation Wife Wonderful Car Cry Pure Letters Blue Affair Betrayed Explaining Love Letter

Author:Lou Doillon

“Years ago I met Richard Burton in Port Talbot, my home town, and afterwards he passed in his car with his wife, and I thought, 'I want to get out and become like him'. Not because of Wales, because I love Wales, but because I was so limited as a child at school and so bereft and lonely, and I thought becoming an actor would do that.”

Want Years Children Home School Actors Wife Car Becoming Mets Years Ago Lonely Towns Port Wales Hopkins Bereft Home Town

Author:Anthony Hopkins

“I was born in the same town as Richard Burton, the actor, and I saw him, he used to come - he and his wife drove by in the car in my father's shop and Burton would come home from Hollywood and ask him for his autograph, and I thought, I want to be like him. And that's all I said to myself, I want to be like that. I want to get out of this environment of my own empty mind.”

Want Mind Said Home Used Actors Asks Father Born My Own Environment Saws Wife Car Empty Hollywood Towns Shops Coming Home Autographs Empty Mind

Author:Anthony Hopkins

“Though my wife thinks I'm mad, I know I'll drop my daughter to the parties she's invited to. I'll want her friends to say, "Wow what a handsome father you have!" When she's with her boyfriend in the backseat of our car, I'll be at the wheel, driving her around.”

Thinking Knows Want Father Party Wife Car Daughter Mad My Wife Driving Wheels My Daughter Wow Invited Handsome Backseat

Author:Shahrukh Khan

“After 14 months of military service, I had a wife, a child, half an apartment, no car, and no job.”

Children Jobs Half Wife Military Car Months Apartment Military Service

Author:Charley Pride

“When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.”

Said Home Water Wife Trouble Car My Wife Lakes

Book:It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

“I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.”

Thinking Looks Hands Purpose Black Wife Doors Car Sexy My Wife Fingernails

Author:Emo Philips

“Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.”

People Want Kind Hard Used House Wife Car Keys Ill Driven Buying Car Rental

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."”

Ifs Would Be Next White Watches Wife Car September Tattoo August

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.”

Want Kind Shows Wife Car Brother Tvs Like You My Wife My Brother Tv Shows Truck

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.”

Knows Ideas Kids Jobs Used House Lost Wife Car Drug Beats Sorry Honestly Ass Laughed Great Times Very Popular Had A Great Time

Author:Bill Hicks

“A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. You'll save a fortune on your food bills, he promised. I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous. Said my wife: I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We're saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can't afford to save any more!”

Giving Said I Can Wife Car Right Now Truth Is Giving Up Machines Bills Sells Fortune My Wife Saving Bus Washing Salesman Maids Laundry New Car Dishwashers Freezer Washing Machines

Author:Joey Bishop

“I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!”

Self Helping Home Sides Walks Wife Doors Car Fronts Rain Gold Fishes My Wife Jackets Pouring Front Doors Pouring Rain

Author:Bill Engvall

“Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. But it all changes after that. You get a great car, a great job. You got a wife, kids, you got your health. But then your company is sold out from under you, your stocks tank, your wife's sleeping with the gardener and your teenage daughter is pregnant. And you notice that you have a prostate so hard, you can actually take a hammer to it. But hey, not one zit.”

“My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.”

Want Trying Party Wife Car Keys My Wife Bowls Swapping

Author:Andy Kindler

“Most of us spend our lives convinced that there's something missing: "If only I had a bigger barbecue, more money, a bigger car, a different wife, a different.... If only I could upgrade somehow, then I would be okay."”

Ifs Different Would Be Our Lives Wife Car Missing Okay Bigger Convinced More Money Barbecue

Author:Arjuna Ardagh

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