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Wife Quotes

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Wife Quotes

“Other than his ex-wife and despite appearances with a series of cultivated blondes, Edward de Bono has never publicly aligned himself with a woman. 'I’m looking for a fat, cross-eyed hunchback,' he explains, stifling a giggle. 'A prosthetic hump would do.' His delight evaporates when asked about his three grandchildren. 'Am I a doting grandfather?' He pauses. 'I’m a … something grandfather, yes.' The fact that De Bono remains unperturbed by this lack betrays an emotionally austere childhood, and his passions for play, toys, and bad jokes tell of the same deprivation.”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.”

Saws Wife Goes On Husband Fats Diets Priests Electric Old Boyfriend

Book:The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

Source: The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

“a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job! And five nose running brats in love with Batman”

Running Jobs Five Wife Fats Noses Unhappiness Potatoes Brat

Book:The Happy Birthday of Death

Source: The Happy Birthday of Death

“My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.”

People Feels Trying Humor Funny Water Wife Lays Sorry My Wife Fats Beach

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"”

Real Funny Young Night Guy Talking Comedy Grace Wife Jokes Singers Fats Opening Comedian Italian Nuts This Guy Sock Old Time

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit”

Ifs Giving Wife Give Me Fats Making Love Biscuits

Author:Clement Freud

“I'll never know what my life would have been like if they hadn't made Lawrence of Arabia. What would I be? I would maybe have 10 children, a very fat wife. I would be very fat myself. I don't know.”

Ifs Knows Children Has Beens Made Would Be Wife Fats Arabia Lawrence Of Arabia

Author:Omar Sharif

“Jack Sprat could eat no fat,His wife could eat no lean. A real sweet pair of neurotics.”

Real Wife Sweet Fats Pairs Nursery Rhymes

Author:Jack Sharkey

“My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.”

Ifs Lost Wife Rounds My Wife Fats Pounds

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.”

Bigs Lasts Saws Wife My Wife Fats Last Time Grazing

Author:Rodney Dangerfield