“I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.” ThinkingGivingMy OwnFairsObsessionConsumed Author:Jackie Mason
“Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .” ThinkingWorldWifePleaseMy WifeGentlemanGirlfriendRemarkableMy GirlfriendLadies And Gentlemen Author:Jackie Mason
“They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.” ThinkingWaySaidI CanHardUsedGuyGamesTalkingWatchesPlayerFieldsObjectsFootballPsychiatristOther GuysBashTalking About Me Author:Jackie Mason
“Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.” PeopleThinkingKnowsWayHappensCertainPossibilityPredictionsVariation Author:Jackie Mason
“Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers them. So, as a way to decrease their guilt, they try to help the underdog. They think, "Why should I be rich when so many suffer?" They feel better once they run to the party that claims to defend the underdog, the Democrats.” ThinkingWayFeelsShouldTryingHelpingRunningSufferingPartyRichClaimsGuiltDemocratJewHelping OthersBotherLots Of MoneyFeel BetterShould IDecreaseUnderdog Author:Jackie Mason
“Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.” ThinkingWayPoorClassVoteJewWorking ClassFranklinFranklin Delano RooseveltSiding Author:Jackie Mason
