“I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.” KnowsArtI CanTalkingComedyStudentsHumourPhilosophical Author:Jackie Mason
“I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.” KnowsYearsPersonsIdeasCountryWholeHappensWinningMinutesTenOur CountryNo IdeaIowaHampshireNew HampshireCaucusWhole Picture Author:Jackie Mason
“My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.” IfsKnowsDoeStoriesDifferencesAudienceMaterialsTablesDinnerDinner Table Author:Jackie Mason
“You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.” KnowsMenFeelsGuyKnow HowShapesUglySecureCheatLooking GoodStunningGood Looking Men Author:Jackie Mason
“Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.” KnowsTwoJewKitchenRestaurantsDid You KnowSushi Author:Jackie Mason
“When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!” PeopleKnowsHandsKnow HowSawsReturnEuropeLet MeJewEntertainmentTalesEtcCakeShoppingSiteAustria Author:Jackie Mason
“While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.” PeopleKnowsFactsChristianPracticeBallsChristian FaithKosherSalami Author:Jackie Mason
“Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.” KnowsLandEntitledJerusalem Author:Jackie Mason
“Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.” PeopleThinkingKnowsWayHappensCertainPossibilityPredictionsVariation Author:Jackie Mason
“People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as new as anything on the dinner table.” PeopleKnowsWorldMomentsShowsMaterialsHappeningsTablesDinnerDinner Table Author:Jackie Mason
