“They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.” ThinkingWaySaidI CanHardUsedGuyGamesTalkingWatchesPlayerFieldsObjectsFootballPsychiatristOther GuysBashTalking About Me Author:Jackie Mason
“People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.” PeopleWayParticularFoolCriteriaQualifications Author:Jackie Mason
“The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.” WayShouldDoeMediaNew YorkTelevisionAmountNewsRadioDamageStationsUnbelievableNew York TimesRadio StationsTelevision And Radio Author:Jackie Mason
“Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.” PeopleThinkingKnowsWayHappensCertainPossibilityPredictionsVariation Author:Jackie Mason
“Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers them. So, as a way to decrease their guilt, they try to help the underdog. They think, "Why should I be rich when so many suffer?" They feel better once they run to the party that claims to defend the underdog, the Democrats.” ThinkingWayFeelsShouldTryingHelpingRunningSufferingPartyRichClaimsGuiltDemocratJewHelping OthersBotherLots Of MoneyFeel BetterShould IDecreaseUnderdog Author:Jackie Mason
“Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.” ThinkingWayPoorClassVoteJewWorking ClassFranklinFranklin Delano RooseveltSiding Author:Jackie Mason
“The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this and "F" that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.” WayGivingIdeasWholeTroubleKeysSeriesCome UpRidiculousComedianRelevantSwearIrrelevantSwear Word Author:Jackie Mason
