“I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!” RememberHateHalfJewPolish Author:Jackie Mason
“Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.” KnowsTwoJewKitchenRestaurantsDid You KnowSushi Author:Jackie Mason
“When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!” PeopleKnowsHandsKnow HowSawsReturnEuropeLet MeJewEntertainmentTalesEtcCakeShoppingSiteAustria Author:Jackie Mason
“It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!” WantShowsEasyDifferencesPiecesDrinkJewCakeGentiles Author:Jackie Mason
“I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.” WritingNightTalkingAudienceJokesIllJewExcitedLikesEvery Night Author:Jackie Mason
“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.” WorldHomeCarClothesJewDressers Author:Jackie Mason
“Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers them. So, as a way to decrease their guilt, they try to help the underdog. They think, "Why should I be rich when so many suffer?" They feel better once they run to the party that claims to defend the underdog, the Democrats.” ThinkingWayFeelsShouldTryingHelpingRunningSufferingPartyRichClaimsGuiltDemocratJewHelping OthersBotherLots Of MoneyFeel BetterShould IDecreaseUnderdog Author:Jackie Mason
“Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.” ThinkingWayPoorClassVoteJewWorking ClassFranklinFranklin Delano RooseveltSiding Author:Jackie Mason
“As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth anyway. They simply can't accept the idea of ever being Republicans.” GivingFeelsIdeasThreeWealthAcceptingClassRepublicanCharityJewGuiltyThree Times Author:Jackie Mason
“Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.” PastJewOver ItGet OverLiving In The Past Author:Jackie Mason
“On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.” ImportantCountryCrimeNew YorkMurderJewOwnersHallsSandwichesGentilesCarnegieAbeCarnegie HallWiping Out Author:Jackie Mason
“A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.” LaughingWifeJewApproval Author:Jackie Mason
“Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.” IfsShouldPlayAbleSchoolBasketballJewMedicalGradesMedical School Author:Jackie Mason
