“In some cultures they don't name their babies right away. They wait until they see how the child develops. Like in Dances with Wolves. Unfortunately, our kids' names would be less romantic and poetic. "This is my oldest boy, Falls off His Tricycle, his friend, Dribbles His Juice, and my beautiful daughter, Allergic to Nuts.” ChildrenWould BeKidsBeautifulFallCultureNamesWaitingBoysBabyDaughterPoeticNutsJuiceAllergicDribbleBeautiful DaughterTricycles Author:Paul Reiser
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser
“The most rewarding part about being a dad is just looking at children who didn't exist at some point. The first time you saw them, they were the size of a quarter, in a sonogram, and now they can pour orange juice and yell at each other.” FirstsChildrenSawsDadFirst TimeSizeQuartersOrangeJuiceBeing A DadOrange Juice Author:Paul Reiser
“A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It's like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles.” ChildrenHouseLinesHugeAttractionTouristsDisneylandCasseroles Author:Paul Reiser
“There was a period where our child's birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby Project.” ChildrenStillsBabyBirthPeriodsCallingProjectsOur Children Author:Paul Reiser
“When you realize you would consider not having a child just so you could take an occasional snooze and be available to see Batman Retires the same weekend it comes out, you have to take a good hard look at yourself and acknowledge, I am a shallow, shallow person.” LooksChildrenPersonsHardRealizingAvailableAcknowledgeRetiringWeekendShallowOccasionalLook At YourselfShallow Person Book:Babyhood Source: Babyhood
“When people talk about wanting to have children someday, what they really mean is that they want babies. Nobody wants an angry adolescent. Nobody wants an obnoxious seven-year-old trying to wear out dirty words they just learned in school that day. What they really want is cute, adorable babies who love you and need you. The bad stuff is just the price you agree to pay for having the good stuff.” PeopleWantNeedsTryingYearsMeanChildrenSchoolStuffPayLove YouBabyAgreeAngrySevenDirtyCuteSomedaySeven YearsNeed YouReally MeanAdorableObnoxiousDirty WordsBad Stuff Author:Paul Reiser
“When you get busy, the priorities change. In your twenties, you hang out with who you were in school with. Then you grow up and you hang out with the people you're playing ball with, things you like doing with. When you get married, it changes a bit and you lose some friends, or you gain other friends. You gain couple-y friends. It changes again when you have children, and then when your children are the focus of your life.” PeopleChildrenSchoolGrowing UpFocusMarriedOur ChildrenBusyPrioritiesYour ChildrenHanging Out Author:Paul Reiser
“People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.” PeopleChildrenLife IsAsksDifferencesSourceBabyCreatingHumorousParentingAsk MeDryBottlesFormulasWipeSpitDiapersMoistureBabyhoodSpit Up Author:Paul Reiser
“The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.” IfsChildrenHumorKidsFunnyAmericaProductsBabyHumorousCrownsJewelsStrollers Author:Paul Reiser
