“From the minute we're born, boys and girls stare at each other, trying to figure out if they like what they see. Like parade lines, passing each other for mutual inspection. You march, you look. You march, you look. If you're interested, you stop and talk, and if it doesn't work out, you just get back in the parade. You keep marching, and you keep looking.” IfsTryingLooksGirlBornLinesBoysMinutesFiguresDatingWork OutPassingPassingsStaringMutualMarchGet BackParadesBoy And GirlInspection Author:Paul Reiser
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser
“Why do you think people close their eyes when they kiss? Think about it. In the real world, if you saw someone an-inch-and-a-half away, coming at you with their eyes open and their lips puckered, you'd scream. It's alarming.” PeopleIfsThinkingWorldRealEyeHalfSawsKissingLipsReal WorldScreamInches Book:Couplehood Source: Couplehood
“My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape.” IfsThinkingMatterProblemAsksTermWifeShapesAgreeMy WifeAsk MeDrapes Author:Paul Reiser
“My wife would say my worst habit is that I'm not good at dropping subjects. If something bothers me, I'll bring it up endlessly and relentlessly. I think it's a search for clarity, but she uses different words.” IfsThinkingDifferentUseWifeWorstSubjectsHabitMy WifeClarityBotherDropping Author:Paul Reiser
“Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.” IfsWayWantWritingYearsWellsHas BeensIdeasStoriesHappensWould BeTogetherGivenEffortStandingPlentyGiven UpGood StoryHunches Author:Paul Reiser
“If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.” IfsStillsFallHurtTreeForestsIt Still Hurts Author:Paul Reiser
“I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head.” IfsWritingEnoughHappensSpaceSmartGunSpace Movie Author:Paul Reiser
“It was trying to make my tennis game look mildly respectable, which I found you don't even really need to practice if you have a really good editor. They can edit it and you're like, "Hey, it looks like I'm playing really well." That was the fun part, but it was like going to summer camp.” IfsNeedsTryingWellsLooksFoundGamesFunPracticeSummerHeyTennisEditorsCampsRespectableEditsFound YouSummer CampTennis Game Author:Paul Reiser
“The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.” IfsChildrenHumorKidsFunnyAmericaProductsBabyHumorousCrownsJewelsStrollers Author:Paul Reiser
“So where did these cravings come from? I concluded it's the baby ordering in. Prenatal takeout. Even without ever being in a restaurant, fetuses develop remarkably discerning palates, and they are not shy about demanding what they want. If they get a hankering, they just pick up the umbilical cord and call. 'You know what would taste good right now? A cheeseburger, large fries, and a vanilla shake. And if you could, hurry it up, because I'm supposed to grow a lung in a half hour.'” IfsKnowsWantCultureGrowsHoursHalfBabyTasteRight NowPicksRestaurantsShakesShyLungsCravingCordsHalf HoursFriesDiscerningPalateVanillaFetusCheeseburgerUmbilical CordHankering Author:Paul Reiser
“Nothing would make me happier if Peter Falk would finally win his Oscar for this. Not just as the writer but as a fan and a friend. It would be so great” IfsWould BeWinningComedyFansPeterOscarsComeback Author:Paul Reiser
“I'd never directed before and this movie's too important to me to put in the hands of some guy who has never directed. Even if it's me” IfsImportantHandsGuyComedy Author:Paul Reiser
