“I can't get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife's breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.” I CanFactsPastWifeEntertainmentMy WifeBarsBreastsComing OutJuice Author:Paul Reiser
“We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.” StillsGirlNamesHalfBoysComedyWifeMiddleMy WifePushingRelievedContracting Author:Paul Reiser
“When you're in @#*!#-ing hell, your forehead can feel a wee bit feverish. (By the way, that's the way my wife actually curses. She doesn't use dirty words; she'll literally say "asterisk, pound sign, exclamation point, the-letter-'A'-with-a-circle-around-it, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.")” WayFeelsUseFunnyBitsHellWifeLettersMy WifeCirclesDirtyCursePoundsForeheadsSwearingExclamationDirty WordsExclamation Points Author:Paul Reiser
“My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape.” IfsThinkingMatterProblemAsksTermWifeShapesAgreeMy WifeAsk MeDrapes Author:Paul Reiser
“My wife would say my worst habit is that I'm not good at dropping subjects. If something bothers me, I'll bring it up endlessly and relentlessly. I think it's a search for clarity, but she uses different words.” IfsThinkingDifferentUseWifeWorstSubjectsHabitMy WifeClarityBotherDropping Author:Paul Reiser
“Peanut butter and lamb chops were not foods that had ever been a significant part of our life before pregnancy. In fact, my wife almost never ate either.So where did these craving come from? I concluded it's the baby, ordering in.” FactsOur LivesWifeBabyMy WifeSignificantPregnancyCravingLambsPeanutsPeanut Butter Author:Paul Reiser
“Sometimes it works out well, and certain household responsibilities fall naturally to those who like doing them. For example, my wife likes to pack suitcases, I like to unpack them. My wife likes to buy groceries, I like to put them away. I do. I like the handling and discovering, and the location assignments. Cans - over there. Fruit - over there. Bananas - not so fast. You go over here. When you learn not to go bad so quickly, then you can stay with the rest of your friends.” WellsSometimesCertainFallResponsibilityWifeExampleFruitWork OutMy WifeLikesDiscoveringHouseholdPacksLocationGroceriesBananasAssignmentsSuitcases Author:Paul Reiser
“I remember my wife and I used to get on plane and see everybody else with their babies. They'd be putting strollers and car seats up above, and we'd think: Oh, please Lord, don't make us go through that” ThinkingRememberUsedLordComedyWifeCarBabyPleaseMy WifePlanesSeatsStrollers Author:Paul Reiser
