Quotessence
Home / Authors / Terry Pratchett
Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Quotes

Author

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleDiscworldIfsThinkingSaidKnowsWorldHumorBookMenWayFantasyMeanSmall GodsHumourUniverseWellsLooksHumansMind

Famous Terry Pratchett Quotes

“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”

IfsThinkingSelfEasierGoodnessBlameFaultsBad ThingsDepressingDiscworldBadnessBlaming OthersSam Vimes
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image

“The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select.”

AnswersRoomsTakenSonTypeTestsTinyPassingPassingsHeyMy SonValleysClothingsMonkExclusiveSelectReally CoolDiscworldStylishMonasteriesLaid BackNovicesLords And LadiesPassing Out
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image

“God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, ie., everybody, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”

WayDoePlayMightMovingUniverseGamesDarkRoomsPlayerPerspectiveInvolvedInfiniteComplexesVersionsCardsMysteriousStakesBlankObscureDealerDiscworldDiceIneffableOmenDark RoomGood OmensDevising
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image

“It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways.”

ShouldHomeAgeGivenCommunityChanceRoomsFrontsCrimeMonthsSixRateTerrorCriminalsOld AgeSix MonthsElderlyDiscworldOld LadyLendingCarrotsHardenedSidewaysCrime RatesAnkh
Book:Feet Of Clay: (Discworld Novel 19)
Create image

“Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc.”

IfsWellsMightCoursesCitiesEnemyPiecesWorstDyingAgreeRoundsDescriptionCoveredAccuratePearlsRubbishDiscworldWorst EnemyDiseasedAnkh
Book:The Wit And Wisdom Of Discworld
Create image

“The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.”

WorldLongIdeasRealSometimesReasonEdgesDisappearShipsStaringReason WhyEggsFlatsHorizonOrangeAdventurousSailorDiscworldDiscsOver The EdgeEdge Of The WorldAntipodes
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image

“Well, basically there are two sorts of opera," said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. "There's your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like "Oh oh oh, I am dyin', oh I am dyin', oh oh oh, that's what I'm doin'", and there's your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes "Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!", although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely.”

PeopleWellsSaidTwoSometimesLightAbilityDrinkBasesHeavyBeerExpertsWitchOperaChampagneDiscworldNannies
Book:Maskerade: (Discworld Novel 18)
Create image

“The universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. There is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.”

WorldMindHeartStatesMomentsEyePastJoyUniverseNextMemoriesPerfectSkySurpriseGladInstantAppropriateBlinkDiscworldPerfect MomentsPast Memories
Book:Seriously Funny: The Endlessly Quotable Terry Pratchett
Create image

“There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?”

PeopleThinkingWorldLooksHas BeensSaidTwoTruthHalfFoodTypeEmptyBiggerGlassesExcuseBeerDiscworldExcuse MeHalf FullHalf EmptyGlass Half FullPinching
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image

“That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all is truth beauty and is beauty truth, and does a falling tree in the forest make a sound if there's no one there to hear it, and then just when you think they're going to start dribbling one of 'em says, incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles.”

IfsThinkingDoeWould BeFallSoundInterestingEnemyPrinciplesSunTreeFeetMinutesPhilosopherForestsShipsThirtyEmsRaysVery InterestingDemonstrationDiscworldOne MinuteHigh PlacesSmall Gods
Author:Terry Pratchett
Create image