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“Nadine shouldn’t have given up on acting,” Charlie says. The words float there for a minute, an obvious trap. “She makes a lot of money agenting,” I reply. “She doesn’t enjoy her money,” he reminds me. I keep typing. “She likes agenting.” “She loved acting.” “I thought you were her biggest fan.” “I am,” he says. “That’s why I want her to get her happy ending.” “I don’t think it’s that kind of book, Charlie.” His shoulder shrugs in tandem with a flick of his full lips. “We’ll see.”

“Nafsu, Kehati-hatian dalam Suasana Tepat untuk Bercinta (Shades of "In the Mood for Love, 2046, Lust, Caution, Infernal Affairs, Chungking Express, Hero & Neo-Noir.") Tony, setiap kali kau melintas di layar, dunia berhenti bernapas seolah kamera Wong Kar-wai telah mengikat denyut bumi pada nadi kecil di bawah matamu. Tapi aku hendak menulis tentang hal lain— tentang kota-kota yang menua atau tentang tubuh manusia yang gagal memahami keinginan— lalu kau muncul begitu saja, seperti bisikan neon yang memaksa ingatan mundur ke jalan-jalan sempit Hong Kong pada menit yang tak pernah diputar ulang. Bagaimana mungkin kau memikul begitu banyak kesepian, Tony? Kesepian yang licin seperti hujan, dan setajam bilah yang pernah kau selundupkan ke balik lengah sejarah. Setiap peran yang kaumasuki bukanlah karakter— melainkan lorong psikis yang kau bongkar dengan tangan hening. Chow Mo-Wan, yang menyembunyikan rahasia di lubang kuil Angkor Wat, Masih berjalan di belakangmu seperti bayangan yang tak rela mati. Aku ingin bicara denganmu, Leung bukan sebagai penulis, bukan sebagai penonton, tetapi sebagai seseorang yang tahu bagaimana rasanya menjadi rahasia yang tidak ingin disembunyikan. Aku membawa segelas bir, angin malam, dan suara klakson yang patah. Di meja kecil itu, kau hanya menatap; seolah seluruh sejarah ketidaksetiaan sedang berusaha menulis ulang dirinya sendiri di balik tajam sorot matamu. Chiu-wai, aku tak lupa bagaimana kau mencabik tubuh gadis itu dalam Lust, Caution: bukan dengan jemarimu, tetapi dengan kehampaan yang mematuhi logikanya sendiri. Aku benci padamu— sekaligus iri pada dingin pisau itu, pada caramu memegang nafsu sebagai alat penyiksaan. Mr. Yee, kau bilang: "Satu sudah mati. Separuh otaknya hilang. Saya mengenali yang lainnya." Dan aku tahu, bahkan tanpa kamera, kau tetap akan tersenyum dengan keanggunan seorang pembunuh yang terlalu elegan untuk merasa bersalah. Namun ketika kau berlari menembus lampu-lampu jalan raya untuk menyelamatkan sekelebat hidup yang terlihat rapuh, seolah kematian pun ragu menelanmu. Adegan itu indah— indah karena dunia sesaat lupa bahwa kau tidak pernah benar-benar ingin hidup. Kau tahu, Tony, aku masih mengikutimu ke kedai mie yang tua itu. Aku memilih kursi paling belakang, mendengar sumpit menemukan mangkukmu seperti dentang jam yang menunda takdir. Kau berbicara lewat telepon kepada perempuan yang bukan istrimu dan tanpa sadar menghidupkan kembali dosa-dosa yang lupa kau kubur. Aku melihatmu di meja mahyong. Aku tahu ekspresi wajah pemain curang. Dan kau, Leung— kau bukan Dewa Judi Ko Chun, meski dunia ingin percaya bahwa keberuntunganmu datang dari langit, bukan dari kehancuran batin yang luar biasa detail. Aku seharusnya membunuhmu waktu itu, waktu kau telanjang dan tertidur bersama istriku dalam mimpi yang kau curi. Tubuh kalian basah, sunyi, dan terlalu jujur. Tapi aku tidak jadi melakukannya. Bukan karena kau tak layak mati— melainkan karena aku ingin melihat apa yang tersisa dari cahaya ketika ia melewati matamu. Apa itu keberanian, Tony? Apa itu kehati-hatian? Apa itu keinginan yang terus mengintai di balik sutra, kain, dan rahasia? Kau tak akan bisa menjawab. Kau hanya bisa hidup dalam kilau film yang selalu menunda tamat, karena realitas terlalu sempit untuk menampung duka yang kau bawa. Dan aku, aku akan terus membuntutimu dari film ke film, dari kehidupan ke kehidupan, menunggu saat kau sadar bahwa yang kukagumi bukanlah dirimu— tetapi kehancuranmu yang tak pernah berakhir. (2024 - 2025)”

“NAFTA and GATT are quite similar. They both have highly protectionist elements. They're kind of a mixture of liberalization and protection designed to expand the power of transnational corporations. They're very basically investor's rights agreements. One crucial part in both is the "intellectual property right," which is a funny way of saying that corporations, like pharmaceutical companies, will have near-monopolistic rule over future technology. This now includes product as well as process rights.”

“NAFTA, supported by the Secretary cost, us 800,000 jobs nationwide, tens of thousands of jobs in the Midwest. Permanent normal trade relations with China cost us millions of jobs. Look, I was on a picket line in early 1990's against NFATA because you didn't need a PhD in economics to understand that American workers should not be forced to compete against people in Mexico making 25 cents an hour.”

“Nagumo was suddenly on his own. At this crucial time, the cost of his failure to learn the complicated factors that played into carrier operations suddenly exploded. Now, when every minute counted, it was too late to learn the complexities involved in loading different munitions on different types of planes on the hangar deck, too late to learn how the planes were organized and spotted on the flight decks, too late to learn the flight capabilities of his different types of planes, and far too late to know how to integrate all those factors into a fast-moving and efficient operation with the planes and ordnance available at that moment. Commander Genda, his brilliant operations officer, couldn’t make the decisions for him now. It was all up to Nagumo. At 0730 on June 4, 1942, years of shipbuilding, training, and strategic planning had all come to this moment. Teams of highly trained pilots, flight deck personnel, mechanics, and hundreds of other sailors were ready and awaiting his command. The entire course of the battle, of the Combined Fleet, and even perhaps of Japan were going to bear the results of his decisions, then and there.”

“Nah, I shook my head, things that come out of nowhere go back to nowhere, that’s all. We fell silent again. The thing we had shared was nothing more than a fragment of time that had died long ago. Even so, a faint glimmer of that warm memory still claimed a part of my heart. And when death claimed me, no doubt I would walk along by that faint light in the brief instant before being flung once again into the abyss of nothingness.”

“Nah. I think we have ran our course. Yeah. Am not feeling this anymore. I don’t have these type of relationships with people. Not even my friends. All my relationships are holistic. I don’t keep people in my circle weh can’t even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on anything. It’s demeaning, it’s devaluing, its unfeeling and cruel it’s has to be deliberate. Because I’ve never heard anything good from you to me. I don’t live like that with people and I am forced to live like that with you in order to retain my dignity. I don’t like it. I don’t like not being myself just so I can keep score with you. I don’t want to pretend indifference after either. In the past I held on to a cobweb. Now am holding on to nothing. The other men are a foil for you. They just show me that I really settled for nothing with you and got less than nothing. I am frankly embarrassed and ashamed of myself for choosing you. I don’t wan’t to feel like that anymore. I have never liked the way I feel when I am with you. I’ve met better men, richer men. more handsome men that don’t treat me this way. I’ve lost all my feelings for you. There is nothing left. Nothing.”

“Nah. That is na what I see." He pulled her hair away from her neck and kissed the thin edge of her ear. "Ya look deceptively fragile, like a deer, but yer solid muscle, a perfect predator. Yer agile and graceful, and ya do na walk anywhere, but glide, as if the ground gives way ta ya. Yer skin is as pale as fresh snow, and yer hair, it's like some metal I've never seen, white, shiny, and priceless. Yer eyes." He chuckled. "Ya dunno how many times I've thought it'd be worth it. Ya'd put me in the ground, but it'd be so worth it ta just get lost in yer eyes. They are na completely white, ya know? They're like clouds, hints of color reflected back ta me. And I love yer nose. Humans always look like someone hit them in the head with a pipe. Ya don't. Yer nose," he chuckled again. "Yer face is sleek and elegant, like a work of art, kitten. Ya look like someone sculpted ya." "And didn't finish," Sal said. "And got it right," he corrected.” ― Auryn Hadley, Instinctual”

“Nahin Minnatkash-e-Taab-e-Shaneedan Dastan Meri Khamoshi Guftugu Hai, Be-Zubani Hai Zuban Meri My story is not indebted to the patience of being heard My silence is my talk, my speechlessness is my speech Ye Dastoor-e-Zuban Bandi Hai Kaisa Teri Mehfil Mein Yahan To Baat Karne Ko Tarasti Hai Zuban Meri Why does this custom of silencing exist in your assembly? My tongue is tantalized to talk in this assembly Uthaye Kuch Waraq Lale Ne, Kuch Nargis Ne, Kuch Gul Ne Chaman Mein Har Taraf Bikhri Huwi Hai Dastan Meri Some leaves were picked up by the tulip, some by the narcissus, some by the rose My story is scattered around everywhere in the garden Urha Li Qumriyon Ne, Tootiyon Ne, Andleebon Ne Chaman Walon Ne Mil Kar Loot Li Tarz-e-Faghan Meri The turtle‐doves, parrots, and nightingales pilfered away The garden’s denizens jointly robbed away my plaintive way Tapak Ae Shama Ansu Ban Ke Parwane Ki Ankhon Se Sarapa Darun Hun, Hasrat Bhari Hai Dastan Meri O Candle! Drip like tears from the eye of the moth Head to foot pathos I am, full of longing is my story”