Best birth & funny Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”

Knows Said Humor Funny Mother Father Birth Easier Hundred Dollars Father Son

Author:Rita Rudner

“Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.”

“An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.”

Knows Men Humor Wanted Funny Wife Birth Husband Twins Irishmen

Author:Frank Carson

“A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.”

Thinking Giving Years Humor Funny Fall Boys Baby Birth Needed Britain Tape Mum Amazed Sections Old Woman Giving Birth Baby Boy

Author:Frankie Boyle

“I was a poster child... for birth control!”

Children Humor Funny Birth Posters Birth Control

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

Ifs Knows Giving Humor Funny Birth Sticks Eggs Insects Jars Did You Know

Author:Tim Vine

“Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.”

Giving Should Humor Funny Birth Sugar Pills Birth Control

Author:Adam Carolla

“I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.”

Humor Age Funny Deals Birth Guarantees Relaxed Guarantees That Certificates Unwritten Birth Certificate

Book:Crying With Laughter: My Life Story

Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story

“Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”

Thinking Humor Age Funny Born Known Birth

Author:Douglas Horton

“There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of it.”

World Children Funny This World Baby Birth Involved Uplifting Pregnancy Bombing Sanctity Baby Boy My Baby Boy Birth Of A Child

Author:James A. Baldwin

“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”

Life Mind Firsts I Can Soul Funny Born Loses Records Wonderful Birth Humorous Eternity Depth Witty This Life Everlasting

Author:Groucho Marx

“Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.”

Funny Remember Black Born Music Happened Birth Nightlife

Author:Jim Morrison

“From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.”

Life Needs Looks Age Funny Girl Parent Women Money Personality Birth Aging Pregnancy Cash Looking Good Birthdays And Aging Good Parent Funny Women Good Personality

Author:Sophie Tucker

“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.”

Life Persons Funny Death Dying Birth Involved Grieving Funeral Death And Dying Rejoice Birth And Death Dying Death Funerals And Death Curmudgeon Birth Life

Author:Mark Twain

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

Giving Children Funny Birth Lips Witty Giving Birth

Author:Carol Burnett

“Birth and death were easy. It was life that was hard.”

Life Hard Funny Easy Birth Perfume Birth And Death

Book:Jitterbug Perfume

Source: Jitterbug Perfume

“When a woman gives birth her waters break and she pours out the child and the child runs free.”

Giving Children Running Funny Water Break Birth Uplifting Pregnancy

Book:Sexing the Cherry

Source: Sexing the Cherry

“Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.”

“Great little One! whose all-embracing birth Lifts Earth to Heaven, stoops Heaven to Earth.”

Source: Complete Works

Birth Quotes

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Birth Quotes