“Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense” MenNeedsHumorFunnyWinningCausesBeatsArguingMake SenseHandicapped Author:Chris Rock
“According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.” KnowsHumorCareFunnyAmericaCitiesToo MuchNew YorkBeatsTwentiesDon't CareFifthPlaces To LiveBest PlacePittsburghCaring Too Much Author:David Letterman
“Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.” IfsKnowsTwoHumorFunnyTurnsNextImaginePlayerMagicBeatsSticksSoupBassDrummerWandsBass PlayersMagic Wands Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."” MenSaidHumorFunnyHateSexLosesHusbandBeatsTennisMy Husband Author:Rita Rudner
“The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.” HumorTodayFunnyBeatsBaseballCoffinsCubsKegs Author:Jerry Coleman
“My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.” YearsHumorFunnyBeatsDiedSticksFollowingSundayBuriedSaltUnclesFridayJimmyCemeteryLiverWednesday Author:Frank Carson
“My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.” StillsHumorFunnyUsedFatherBeatsBelts Author:Zach Galifianakis
“No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.” WantHumorFunnyBeatsAssSoundtracks Author:Dave Chappelle