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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“The only thing I use my body for is to carry my brain around.”

Use Body Humor Brain

Author:Thomas A. Edison

“Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells.”

Body Humor Suffering Natural Religious Devil Satan Spells Exposed Malady

Book:The table talk or familiar discourse of Martin Luther, tr. by W. Hazlitt

Source: The table talk or familiar discourse of Martin Luther, tr. by W. Hazlitt

“I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.”

Looks Body Humor Funny Form

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.”

Body Humor Funny Bags Bites Snakes Emergencies

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.”

Men Stills Body Humor Government Funny Hate Lines Alive Police Rap Ice Reports Rapper Dead Man Vanilla Chalk Biggie

Author:Chris Rock

“I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.”

Feels I Can Two Body Humor Funny Hurt Hair Smoke Lungs Buttocks

Author:Dylan Moran

“Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!”

Helping Body Humor Funny Raises Blind London Ran Marathon Jordan Jogging

Author:Frankie Boyle

“The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.”

Humans States Body Humor Funny Fall Born Minutes Constant Decay Falling Apart Human Body

Author:Adam Ferrara

“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”