“I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.” TryingHas BeensCountryReasonHumorBigsFunnyBoysEatingTownsAgricultureCountry Boy Book:Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Harding Source: Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Harding
“I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.” KnowsLooksMeanHumorHandsFunnyGuyNextEatingBarsNext TimeCandyCandy Bar Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!” DoneHumorFunnyAnimalEatingLazyAnts Author:Demetri Martin
“I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.” ThinkingWantHumorFunnyAmericaAsksFeltSidesRight NowEatingRedFolksAsk MeMeatRestaurantsVegetarianBowlsDishesBroccoliRed MeatWimpsSide Dishes Author:Denis Leary
“I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.” IfsKnowsHumorFunnyEatingCloudsFallenPlatesCauliflower Author:Milton Jones
“There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.” SaidTwoHumorFunnyEatingSandwichesPubsLandlordIrishmen Author:Frank Carson
“I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.” HumorFunnySawsNiceEatingBiggerVisualsPadsGals Author:Adam Carolla
“We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting - they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.” KnowsFeelsLittlesStillsHumorFunnyFoundParentSeriousBrotherEatingCaughtTinyBagsFuneralAirlinePeanutsAllergiesLittle BrotherMy Little Brother Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.” ThinkingShouldLongCountryBodyHumorAbleFunnyWiseFoodColdEatingRateAssBlockCaliforniaDietsVegetarianVeganYou ChooseVegetarianismVegetarian HealthKilling YourselfFree CountryVegan HealthDrivewayVegetarian FoodVegan FoodWise Ass Author:Scott Adams