“Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?"” HumorMightFunnyLife IsStudyHumourGlassesCollectionsVillageSectionsEarnestNew YorkersAssistantsBookstoresCampusGrannyGreenwichGreenwich Village Author:Keith Waterhouse
“I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.” WantHumorFunnyFunComedyFrontsLateMachinesMadGlassesBarsToo LateCandyMagnifyingEyeglassesMagnifying GlassCandy BarVending Machines Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Ozzie Smith is out there roaming around like glass.” HumorFunnyBaseballGlassesRoamingRoaming Around Author:Jerry Coleman
“As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.” HumorEyeFunnyBoysTestsGlassesAshamedEssays Author:Woody Allen
“He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.” PhilosophyHumorSchoolFunnyGlassesChairsShiftingWhisky Author:Dylan Moran
“That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.” PeopleIfsMenWantFeelsHumorFunnyStuffBreakPiecesProtectWindowGlassesClubsStealingWheelsCrapSteering Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."” MenFirstsHumorFunnyGuyTurnsNextAsksHappenedHe ManLuckyWindowGlassesCoveredToesLucky YouBandages Author:Frank Carson
“I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"” PeopleIfsHumorFunnyGlassesEmsGet Away Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"” WantKindHardHumorFunnyWaterDrinkShotsYeahGlassesEightEmsI Am Single Author:Jim Gaffigan
“We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.” HumorFunnyHouseWindowGlassesPigeonsStained GlassStained Glass Windows Author:Chic Murray
“If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.” IfsHumorFunnyDeserveGlassesBeerFancyChampagne Author:Kristen Schaal
“In spite of a heavy disguise, a few days' growth on my face, dark glasses, a beret and one of William's jackets that fitted me not at all, as I emerged from a hotel in Lecce, a young fisherman pointed me out to his friends and said "Lavrenche Olivaire." It was not all that amazing; if you're not known in Italy, you're not known anywhere.” IfsSaidHumorFunnyFacesYoungGrowthDarkKnownGlassesHeavySpiteHotelItalianDisguiseJacketsFishermanDark Glasses Author:Laurence Olivier