“I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.” HumorWantedFunnyMetsPaperBrownHatsCowboyTrousers Author:Chic Murray
“I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'” NeedsGivingI CanEndsHomeHumorFunnyWaitingImagineProvePaperGive MeInkFilesSkepticalScenariosBack HomeTransactionsDoughnutDocumentationReceiptsInk And Paper Author:Mitch Hedberg
“The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.” EnoughHumorFunnyLastsRememberNextNovelPaperSixLast TimeNext TimeSpainToiletsArcherToilet Paper Author:Bob Monkhouse
“I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.” TwoHumorKidsFunnyHousePaperRoutesDumpsters Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."” KnowsShouldI CanTwoHumorFunnyTogetherStuffLosesBreakForeverCuttingRocksFinePaperThirdsDestroyedDamageTake MeBentBreak ThroughBack TogetherDynamiteScissors Author:Demetri Martin
“I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.” ThinkingHas BeensBookHumorFunnyPaperFinishedPenguins Author:Milton Jones
“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."” WantSaidHumorFunnyPiecesPaperI Want YouPencilsPolicemenVines Author:Tim Vine
“Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.” MindStillsHumorFunnyPaperBlowToiletsToilet Paper Author:Kristen Schaal