“I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like “shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah.” PeopleThinkingMindSometimesHumorFunnyTalkingToo MuchShut UpBlah Author:Ellen DeGeneres
“Take the life issue. This issue requires a president and an administration leading our nation to understand the importance of life. This whole faith-based initiative really ties into a larger cultural issue that we're working on. It begins to affect the life issue, as well as the human dignity issue, because when you're talking about welcoming people of faith to help people who are disadvantaged and are unable to defend themselves, the logical step is also those babies.” PeopleHumansWellsWholeHelpingHumorPoliticalNationsPresidentTalkingStepsIssuesBabyDignityImportanceWelcomeAdministrationTiesLogicalInitiativeHuman DignityPolitical HumorFaith BasedDisadvantagedCultural IssuesImportance Of Life Author:George W. Bush
“I can't tell you what it's like to be in Europe, for example, to be talking about the greatness of America. But the true greatness of America are the people.” PeopleI CanHumorAmericaPoliticalTalkingExampleGreatnessEuropePolitical HumorTrue GreatnessGreatness Of America Author:George W. Bush
“Well, that's going to be up to the pundits and the people to make up their mind. I'll tell you what is a president for him, for example, talking about my record in the state of Texas. I mean, he's willing to say anything in order to convince people that I haven't had a good record in Texas.” PeopleMindWellsMeanStatesHumorPoliticalOrderPresidentTalkingRecordsHavensExampleWillingConvinceTexasSay AnythingPolitical HumorPunditsGood Records Author:George W. Bush
“I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.” PeopleThinkingKnowsUseHumorBigsFunnyTalkingBaseball Author:Jerry Coleman
“He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better.” IfsKnowsMenWayWritingFirstsFeelingsHumorHandsBigsFunnyBeliefEmotionTalkingMinutesDyingHairPeriodsFemaleBallsProfoundBad ThingsMaking UpLove For HerWriting PoemsPersonal BeliefsBig HairProfound Love Author:Chelsea Handler
“Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.” HumorFunnyAmericaWhiteTalkingTypeViolent Author:Bill Bailey
“I'm sorry, was that homophobic? No--I think it was, 'cause I hear that a lot. Dave, What?, You're talking about being gay. You probably secretly are gay. And I'm like listen voice in my head, I'm not! HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? I know I wouldn't like it, other scarier voice in my head! 'Cause one time while making a sandwich, a cucumber went up my ass. Three times.” ThinkingKnowsHumorFunnyThreeCausesVoiceTalkingGaySorryAssDo You KnowOne TimeI'm SorryThree TimesSandwichesDaveBeing GayHomophobicCucumbersVoices In My Head Author:Dave Attell
“You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.” KnowsTwoHumorFunnyMotherFunTalking Author:Dave Attell
“All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.” TryingHardHumorKidsFunnyTalkingMy FriendsThirdsYeahGirlfriendAbortionYour GirlfriendFinesseConsecutive Author:David Cross
“You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.” ThinkingKnowsPersonsHas BeensArtHumorFunnyTalkingNiceModernLike YouListeningEuropeTheaterYeahCriticalGermanyAffable Author:Dylan Moran
“The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.” KnowsHumorFunnyUniverseStuffTalkingKnowingMysteryNineThirtyNot Knowing Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.” PeopleKnowsI CanHumorSeemsFunnyUsedGuySidesRealizingTalkingLeaderCrazyStreetsWalkingOne DayConversationProphetManhattanReluctant Author:Marc Maron
“We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!” GivingHumorFunnyTalkingGive MeYeahCocaineParanoid Author:Robin Williams
“I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.” PeopleWantEndsWholeHumorFunnyThreeTalkingAudienceDown AndKicksNecksFuneralTalking About MeLegit Author:Daniel Tosh
“At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.” HumorFunnyDealsTalkingMomMy MomSubstanceFactoriesExesAbusersSubstance Abuse Author:George Lopez
“Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.” GivingHumorFunnyTalkingCasesGiving In Author:Kristen Schaal
“I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'” ThinkingSaidIdeasWholeHomeHumorFunnyUsedMotherGuyTalkingMy FamilyPlanningAccentsIllinois Author:Natasha Leggero
“On a crowded bus in Israel, a mother was speaking to her son in Yiddish. An Israeli woman reprimanded her. "You should be speaking Hebrew. Why are you talking to him in Yiddish?" The mother answered, "I don't want he should forget he's a Jew."” WantShouldHumorFunnyMotherForgetTalkingSonJewIsraelBusIsraeliCrowdedHebrewYiddishTalking To Him Author:Kirk Douglas
“I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.” LooksHumorFunnyGuyTalkingBillsGatesMicrosoftBradNerdy Book:Dave Barry in Cyberspace Source: Dave Barry in Cyberspace
“In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.” HumorTalkingConversationWitEasiness Author:George Herbert