Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humor Quotes

Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Related topics

FunnyIfsComedyPeopleKnowsMenThinkingHumorousPoliticalSaidWantTwoWayPolitical HumorLooksBaseballWellsWorldGuyInspirationalSense Of HumorFirstsKidsShouldNeedsChildrenLaughterI CanYearsJokesGivingDoeTryingLaughingLifeLittlesLastsWittySexUsedMadeFeelsBelieveDeep ThoughtReligiousHomeHouseNightDrinkStillsInspirationShowsWifeBabyMeanPersonsCarLongMayEndsUseSometimesStupidNextGirlThreeEnoughFatherHardFunBookSawsAsksBigsHas BeensLawProblemRunningComedianPlayWould BeAmericaHandsMy WifeKindWritingCountryDoctorsDrugHappinessHelpingHoursSchoolDogHateYeahDiesFacesPartyRealmore

Humor Quotes

“I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'”

NeedsGivingI CanEndsHomeHumorFunnyWaitingImagineProvePaperGive MeInkFilesSkepticalScenariosBack HomeTransactionsDoughnutDocumentationReceiptsInk And Paper
Author:Mitch Hedberg
Create image

“In spite of conflicting signals - and in spite of a popular culture that sometimes puts down their innocence - most of our kids are good kids. Large numbers do volunteer work. Nearly all believe in God, and most practice their faith. Teen pregnancy and violence are actually going down. Across America, under a program called True Love Waits, nearly a million teens have pledged themselves to abstain from sex until marriage.”

BelieveSometimesHumorKidsAmericaPoliticalCultureSexWaitingNumbersPracticeMillionsViolenceProgramInnocenceSpitePregnancyBelieve In GodTeensVolunteerSignalsLarge NumbersPopular CulturePolitical HumorTeen PregnancyVolunteer Work
Author:George W. Bush
Create image

“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, "DuFresnes, party of two." They say again, "DuFresnes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll just go to the next name, "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!”

PeopleIfsKnowsTwoHumorSeemsCareFunnyThreeNextNamesWaitingAnswersPartyHappenedMissingCallingYeahBusyListsHungryRestaurants
Author:Mitch Hedberg
Create image