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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?”

Firsts Nice Kissing Humorous Ass Tea Pot Kiss My Ass Playing Nice

Author:Julie Kagawa

“I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.”

Thinking Inspirational Nice Humorous Witty Rings Chiefs Classic Hail

Book:The Wicked Wit of John F. Kennedy

Source: The Wicked Wit of John F. Kennedy

“If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”

Ifs Humor Funny Next Nice Society Havens Humorous Sitting Drinking Witty Gossip Slander Socialites

Author:Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”

People Ifs Want Wells Funny Nice Humorous Witty What If Sarcastic Nice Day Have A Nice Day Crappy Day

Author:George Carlin

“I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not the soldier's which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness.”

Nice Sadness Objects Mines Proud Lovers Musician Humorous Soldier Lawyer Contemplation Melancholy Scholar Ambitious Wraps Emulation Courtiers Rumination

Book:Comedies of Shakespeare in Plain and Simple English (a Modern Translation and the Original Version)

Source: Comedies of Shakespeare in Plain and Simple English (a Modern Translation and the Original Version)

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”

Age Funny Nice Humorous Aging Cute Birthday Young Birthday

Author:George Burns

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

Inspirational Children Real Night Family Nice Humorous Argument Tables Parenting Restaurants About Family Nice Family

Book:The Best of Brain Droppings

Source: The Best of Brain Droppings

“One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young.”

Age Funny Young Nice Middle Humorous Aging Things Change Middle Ages Inspirational Birthday Age Of 40 40th Birthday

Author:Dorothy Canfield Fisher

“In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.”

Ifs Knows Mean Enough Shows Sun Nice Humorous Hello Hawaii Enough Time Bye Good Bye Aloha

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.”

Thinking Children Play Humor Bigs Would Be Kids Funny Next Born Simple Deals Attitude Nice Baby Humorous Next Time Closets Big Deal My Attitude

Book:I'm Not Really Here

Source: I'm Not Really Here

“Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.”

Knows Men Inspirational Long Funny Marriage Know How Nice Wife Humorous Tired Witty Husband And Wife Funny Marriage Husband Wife Funny Husband And Wife

Book:Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin

Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin