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Interpersonal Quotes

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Interpersonal Quotes

“We are in uncharted territory" when it comes to sex and the internet, says Justin Garcia, a research scientist at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. "There have been two major transitions" in heterosexual mating, Garcia says, "in the last four million years. The first was around ten to fifteen thousand years ago, in the agricultural revolution, when we became less migratory and more settled," leading to the establishment of marriage as a cultural contract. "And the second major transition is with the rise of the Internet," Garcia says. Suddenly, instead of meeting through proximity, community connections, and family and friends, people could meet each other virtually and engage in amorous activity with the click of a button. Internet meeting is now surpassing every other form. “It’s changing so much about the way we act both romantically and sexually,” Garcia says. “It is unprecedented from an evolutionary standpoint.” And yet this massive shift in our behavior has gone almost completely unexamined, especially given how the internet permeates modern life. While there have been studies about how men and women use social media differently- how they use language and present themselves differently, for example- there's not a lot of research about how they behave sexually online; and there is virtually nothing about how girls and boys do. While there has been concern about the online interaction of children and adults, it's striking that so little attention has been paid to the ways in which the Internet has changed the sexual behavior of girls and boys interacting together. This may be because the behavior has been largely hidden or unknown, or, again, due to the fear of not seeming "sex-positive," mistaking responsibility for judgement. And there are questions to ask, from the standpoint of girls' and boys' physical and emotional health and the ethics of their treatment of each other. Sex on a screen is different from sex that develops in person, this much seems seems self-evident, just as talking on a screen is different from face-to-face communication. And so if talking on a screen reduces one's ability to be empathic, for example, then how does sex on a screen change sexual behavior? Are people more likely to act aggressively or unethically, as in other types of online communication? How do gender roles and sexism play into cybersex? And how does the influence of porn, which became available online at about the same time as social networking, factor in?”

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Book:American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers
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“There is no such thing as a relationship without a contract. All relationships are governed by contracts, be they implied or explicit. Relationship contracts are not legal contracts, though sometimes societal expectations of relationships get worked into law (this can come into play in situations like divorce as well as the legal establishment and relinquishment of paternity). The society in which you grew up provided you with a set of template contracts to which you implicitly agree whenever you enter a relationship, even a non-sexual one. For example, a common clause of many societal template contracts among friends involves agreeing to not sleep with a friend's recent ex. While you may never explicitly agree to not sleep with a friend's ex, your friend will absolutely feel violated if they discover that you shacked up with the person who dumped them just a week earlier. Essentially, these social contracts tell an individual when they have “permission” to have specific emotional reactions. While this may not seem that impactful, these default standards can have a significant impact on one’s life. For example, in the above reaction, a friend who just got angry out of the blue at a member of their social group would be ostracized by others within the group while a friend who became angry while citing the “they slept with my ex” contract violation may receive social support from the friend group and internally feel more justified in their retaliatory action. To ferret out the contractual aspects of relationships in which you currently participate, think through something a member of that relationship might do that would have you feeling justifiably violated, even though they never explicitly agreed to never take such action. This societal system of template contracts may have worked in a culturally and technologically homogenous world without frequent travel, but within the modern world, assumed template contracts cause copious problems.”

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Book:The Pragmatist's Guide to Relationships
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“Individual Desirability / Aggregate Desirability = Your Desirability Ratio The higher a relationship’s Desirability Ratio, the more stable a relationship will be. If a relationship’s Desirability Ratio drops below one for either partner, the relationship becomes very likely to dissolve. To put that in other words: When your partner is much more desirable to you than their “league” would suggest, and when this dynamic is mutual (i.e., each partner values the other more than society on average values that other partner), your relationship will be uniquely stable. However, if either partner values the other less than that person would be valued on an open market, the relationship becomes unstable.”

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Book:The Pragmatist's Guide to Relationships
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“I learned that our deepest need is to overcome our aloneness and our separateness. We seek to escape from separateness in various ways. We seek conformity, mistaking it for union. This is a soul-crushing way to exist. Or we seek union through orgiastic states - drugs, alcoholism, overwork - or through creative activities. But the ultimate escape from separateness is through interpersonal union.”

WayNeedsSoulStatesMotivationalCreativeDrugActivityUltimateOvercomingUnionsVariousCrushConformityAlcoholismSeparatenessOverworkInterpersonal
Book:Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership
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“The clerical work is par for the course. "Keep on file in numerical order" means throw in wastebasket. You'll soon learn the language. "Let it be a challenge to you" means you're stuck with it; "interpersonal relationships" is a fight between kids; "ancillary civic agencies for supportive discipline" means call the cops; "Language Arts Dept." is the English office; "literature based on child's reading level and experiential background" means that's all they've got in the Book Room; "non-academic-minded" is a delinquent; and "It has come to my attention" means you're in trouble.”

MeanChildrenArtBookKidsOrderFightingCoursesReadingLiteratureLanguageChallengesLevelsRoomsAttentionTroubleDisciplineOfficeStuckBackgroundsAgencyAcademicCopSupportiveFilesCivicsInterpersonalDelinquentsInterpersonal RelationshipLanguage Arts
Book:Up the Down Staircase
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“Good relationships make people happy, and happy people enjoy more and better relationships than unhappy people.... Conflicts in relationships--having an annoying office mate or roommate, or having chronic conflict with your spouse--is one of the surest ways to reduce your happiness. You never adapt to interpersonal conflict; it damages every day, even days when you don't see the other person but ruminate about the conflict nonetheless.”

PeopleWayPersonsHappinessEnjoyConflictOfficeUnhappyDamageMatesAnnoyingSpouseHappy PeopleGood RelationshipMaking People HappyRoommateUnhappy PeopleInterpersonal
Author:Jonathan Haidt
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“As medium for reaching understanding, speech acts serve: a) to establish and renew interpersonal relations, whereby the speaker takes up a relation to something in the world of legitimate social orders; b) to represent states and events, whereby the speaker takes up a relation to something in the world of existing states of affairs; c) to manifest experiences that is, to represent oneself- whereby the speaker takes up a relation to something in the subjective world to which he has privileged access.”

WorldStatesOrderSocialUnderstandingEventsSpeechRelationAffairOneselfAccessMediumsReachingManifestSpeakersPrivilegedSubjectiveSocial OrderInterpersonal
Author:Jurgen Habermas
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“The average person might articulate them differently, but we all think about interpersonal relationships in one way or another. Writers just express that in different ways and capture it in different ways. To some degree, we're all thinking about the same things. It's the zeitgeist. The trick, in a way, as a writer, is to hope that your interests in some sense link up with the culture around you.”

ThinkingWayPersonsDifferentMightCultureInterestDegreesAverageTricksOne WayDifferent WaysLinksCaptureAverage PersonZeitgeistInterpersonalInterpersonal Relationship
Author:Jennifer Egan
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“While most of today's jobs do not require great intelligence, they do require greater frustration tolerance, personal discipline,organization, management, and interpersonal skills than were required two decades and more ago. These are precisely the skills that many of the young people who are staying in school today, as opposed to two decades ago, lack.”

PeopleTwoTodaySchoolJobsYoungGreaterDisciplineSkillsOrganizationManagementDecadesToleranceFrustrationStayingInterpersonalInterpersonal SkillsStay In School
Author:James P. Comer
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“[Internet] technology, like anything else that mankind creates is a tool and that tool can be used for good or for evil, like a light saber. Technology is supposed to bring people together, streamline things and make life easier and in a lot of ways it does that. However, technology can also disconnect you from other people and break down the social network, the real social network of family and friends and interpersonal communication, and isolate people, make them feel alone, make them feel small. So it's a tool that needs to be used correctly.”

PeopleWayNeedsFeelsDoeRealLightTogetherUsedEvilSocialBreakTechnologyMankindCommunicationInternetEasierToolsFamily And FriendsBreaking DownSocial NetworkInterpersonalInternet TechnologyInterpersonal Communication
Author:Rainn Wilson
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“Interpersonal experience shapes the mind as it continues to develop throughout the lifespan... Interactions with the environment, especially relationships with other people, directly shape the development of the brain's structure and function.”

PeopleMindBrainEnvironmentDevelopmentShapesFunctionStructureInteractionRelationships With OthersInterpersonalStructure And Function
Book:The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are
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“In many respects, the United States is the freest country in the world. I don't just mean in terms of limits on state coercion, though that's true too, but also in terms of individual relations. The United States comes closer to classlessness in terms of interpersonal relations than virtually any society.”

WorldMeanCountryStatesIndividualTermUnitedUnited StatesLimitsRelationCoercionInterpersonal
Book:Chomsky on Democracy and Education
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“When someone comes to me seeking help I want to learn everything I can about them. I'm interested in their physical, emotional, interpersonal, social, sexual, economic, and spiritual aspects of their well-being. I want to know about their hopes and dreams as well as their stresses, fears, and challenges.”

KnowsWantWellsI CanHelpingDreamSpiritualSocialChallengesEconomicEmotionalAspectStressSeekingWell BeingHopes And DreamsInterpersonalSeeking Help
Author:Jed Diamond
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“Moral theory develops from the divine command theory of medieval Christian philosophy, mixed up with a bit of ancient pagan virtue theory, to the purely secular moral sentiment and interpersonal reaction theories of Smith and Hume, to Kant's attempt to restore command theory but with something supersensible in the individual rather than God as the source of authority.”

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Author:Catherine Wilson
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“If you're writing a book where you want to make a positive truth claim, then you should absolutely call it nonfiction or memoir. If you don't want to make that claim - if that's not what's important to you; if you're more interested in storytelling and interiority and interpersonal relationships than in objective, checkable facts about the world - then why wouldn't you call it a novel, and take advantage of what that gets you, of the extra freedom, of belonging to the tradition of the novel?”

IfsWorldWantShouldWritingImportantBookFactsNovelAdvantageTraditionClaimsMemoirObjectivesStorytellingExtrasBelongingNonfictionWriting A BookWhat's ImportantInterpersonalInterpersonal Relationship
Author:Elif Batuman
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“Marriage is a lot of things - a source of love, security, the joy of children, but it's also an interpersonal battlefield, and it's not hard to see why: Take two disparate people, toss them together in often-confined quarters, add the stresses of money and kids - now lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your natural life. What could go wrong?”

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Author:Jeffrey Kluger
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“I've come to recognize what I call my 'inside interests.' Telling stories. And helping people tell their stories is a sort of interpersonal gardening. My work at NBC News was to report the news, but in hindsight, I often tried to look for some insight to share that might spark a moment of recognition in a viewer.”

PeopleLooksMomentsHelpingStoriesMightInterestShareNewsInsightRecognitionReportsSparksGardeningViewersHelping PeopleHindsightTelling StoriesNbcInterpersonalNbc News
Author:Jane Pauley
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“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

LoveInspirationalFirstsUnderstandingRelationshipListeningUnderstoodSeekingInsightCustomersInsightfulBeing HappyComprehensiveComprehensionProactiveInspirational Customer ServiceHabits Of Mind7 HabitsInterpersonalFirst Things FirstInterpersonal SkillsInterpersonal RelationshipPut First Things FirstSeven HabitsListening And HearingOpen CommunicationNot RespondingInterpersonal Communication
Book:The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
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“The most constructive solutions are those which take into consideration the views of all persons involved and are acceptable to all. Such outcomes are the result of negotiation strategies where the needs of both sides are considered important and an attempt is made to meet all needs. These solutions are appropriately called Win-Win because there are no losers. While often difficult to arrive at, the process leading to such solutions builds interpersonal relationships, increases motivation and improves commitment. Win-Win solutions are the most desirable outcomes of conflict resolution.”

NeedsPersonsMadeImportantMotivationWinningProcessDifficultSidesResultsViewsAcceptanceInvolvedConflictSolutionsCommitmentIncreaseStrategyOutcomesConsiderationResolutionLoserAcceptableBoth SidesNegotiationDesirableConstructiveConflict ResolutionProblems And SolutionsSolution To A ProblemWin WinInterpersonalInterpersonal Relationship
Author:Gabor Peter
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“Given the complexity of interpersonal relationships and institutions and the complexity of co-ordination of the actions of many people, it is enormously unlikely that, even if there were one ideal pattern for society, it could be arrived at in an a priori fashion. And even supposing that some great genius did come along with a blueprint, who could have the confidence that it could work”

PeopleIfsActionGivenFashionGeniusIdealsEconomicsInstitutionsPatternsComplexityUnlikelyBlueprintsSupposingInterpersonalSupposing ThatOrdinationInterpersonal Relationship
Author:Robert Nozick
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“For just as some people want a purely spiritual Christ, without flesh and without the cross, they also want their interpersonal relationships provided by sophisticated equipment, by screens and systems which can be turned on and off on command. Meanwhile, the Gospel tells us constantly to run the risk of a face-to-face encounter with others, with their physical presence which challenges us, with their pain and their pleas, with their joy which infects us in our close and continuous interaction.”

PeopleWantInspirationRunningPainFacesSpiritualJoyFaithChristChallengesRiskCrossesScreensFleshCommandEncountersInteractionSophisticatedEquipmentFace To FaceAnd OffInterpersonalInterpersonal Relationship
Book:The Joy of the Gospel
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