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Mad Quotes

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Mad Quotes

“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.”

IfsShouldHumorFunnyNightEasyDarkRoomsMiddleProductsIntegrityShould HaveMadSurpriseBoxesVersionsBusCheeseTemperatureMiddle Of The NightCrackersGlow In The Dark
Author:Mitch Hedberg
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“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!”

IfsMenNeedsLittlesHumorFunnyUsedHateMissingLike YouCoupleDrawsI HateMadFingersAccidentsStoresTurkeysGroceriesMessed UpHamGrocery StoresFellasBolognaPastrami
Author:Mitch Hedberg
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“In a mad moment, my family and I purchased a home in Maine because it's the place in the world that my wife loves better than any other place or any other human, and so I have committed my life and what had once been my economic security that has now returned to insecurity, to a patch of painful, rocky land on the shores of horrible, cold waters to a place where people go in the summer to experience autumn because leaves start falling on August 1.”

PeopleWorldHumansMomentsHomeFallWaterLove IsWifeEconomicLandSecurityColdSummerMy FamilyMadPainfulCommittedMy WifeHorribleInsecurityAutumnShorePatchesAugustPlaces In The WorldMaineCold WaterEconomic SecurityWives Love
Author:John Hodgman
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“On my twelfth birthday, I got a new bicycle as a present from my folks, and I rode it to a fair that was being held at the Columbia Gymnasium, and when I come out, my bike was gone. I was so mad I was crying, and a policeman, Joe Martin, come up and I told him I was going to whip whoever took my bike. He said I ought to take some boxing lessons to learn how to whip the thief better, and I did. That's when I started fighting.”

SaidFightingGoneCryOughtLessonsFairsMadFolksCome UpBoxingThievesBikePolicemenBicycleWhipsColumbiaGymnasiums
Author:Muhammad Ali
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“She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'”

HumorCareFunnyMotherCausesParentNiceMomMonthsDadMadSorryNakedThings To DoGirlfriendMailMy GirlfriendNice ThingsFuriousMessed UpI Am So Sorry
Author:Anthony Jeselnik
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“I've always been able to write rhymes and that would be like when you consult with your girl. When I'm mad and s - t like that I would throw headphones on and close my room door, when I'm mad I just close the door with my girl and f - k her. In so many different ways hip-hop has been like my girl and it's always been there to hold me down.”

WayWritingHas BeensDifferentWould BeAbleGirlRoomsDoorsMadHip HopHipsDifferent WaysHopsRhymeHold MeMy GirlHeadphones
Author:Joell Ortiz
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“I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh... I guess I said something, and, uh... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she..." Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it."”

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Author:Louis C. K.
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“I wrote a mad, passionate letter to the best restaurant in the UK, Le Gavroche in London, and asked if I could work for them. They gave me a job as a dishwasher (Colin laughs). For me that was a joy because I had a foot in the door of this world class restaurant. Just being around the buzz and the pots and pans and the wonderful food and all this produce that was coming in, that was the start of Paul Rankin the chef.”

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Author:Paul Rankin
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“Adorn yourself with truth, try to speak truth in all things; and do not support a lie, no matter who asks you. If you speak the truth and someone gets mad at you, don't be upset, but take comfort in the words of the Lord: Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of truth, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven (Matt. 5:10).”

IfsInspirationalTryingMatterChristianLyingAsksSpeakHeavenReligiousLordSupportComfortAll ThingsBlessedMadSakeKingdomsUpsetOrthodoxSpeak The TruthKingdom Of HeavenPersecutedBlessed Are Those
Author:Gennadius of Constantinople
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“Focused intensity is required to win. I can't stress enough that people who took control of their finances and worked their way out of debt got mad. They got sick and tired of being sick and tired! They said, "I've had it!" and went ballistic to change their lives. There is no intellectual exercise where you can academically work your way into wealth; you have to get fired up - There is no energy in logic; this is behavior and motivation modification, and it works.”

PeopleWayInspirationalSaidI CanEnoughMotivationWinningEnergyWealthExerciseBehaviorIntellectualLogicSickStressMadTiredDebtFocusedFinanceIntensityThey SaidModificationFired UpBeing SickNo Energy
Author:David Ramsey
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“The whole notion of sanity may be an attempt to medicalize morality - to speak of the good in the language of health: to make us more accurate, more scientific in our wanting - but by the same token it becomes a form of moral blackmail. It is as if to say: if these are not valued - if these forms of wanting and feeling and speaking and doing - are not cultivated and encouraged and rewarded in the child, then the child will be mad.”

IfsMayChildrenWholeFeelingsFormSpeakLanguageMoralMoralityMadNotionSanityAccurateTokensBlackmail
Book:Going sane
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“In reading The History of Nations, we find that, like individuals, they have their whims and their peculiarities, their seasons of excitement and recklessness, when they care not what they do. We find that whole communities suddenly fix their minds upon one object and go mad in its pursuit; that millions of people become simultaneously impressed with one delusion, and run after it, till their attention is caught by some new folly more captivating than the first.”

PeopleMindFirstsWholeCareRunningReadingIndividualNationsCommunityAttentionMillionsObjectsSeasonsMadCaughtPursuitExcitementFollyDelusionImpressedWhimCaptivatingRecklessness
Book:Memoirs of extraordinary popular delusions and the madness of crowds: Illustrated with numerous engravings. (2 Thle in 1 vol.). I
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“It’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...”

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Author:Alan Ball
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