Best Trump Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 4

“I think Donald Trump and Jeb Bush are the frontrunners. It's kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad hair.”

Thinking Kind Race Hair Trump Tortoises Bad Hair

Author:Jay Leno

“Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property.”

Ifs Want Should Turns Trump Property Favors Experts Parenthood Planned Parenthood Shutting Down

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.”

Believe President Trump

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."”

Long Ends Fans Trump Worship Praise Versions Adore

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?”

People Jobs President Trump Fame Claims Being The Best Best Job Firing

Author:Michael R. Burch

“The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!"”

Rights Movement Trump Overcoming Campaigns Civil Rights Slogans Civil Rights Movement

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.”

Firsts Doe Hard Talking Type Trump Gun Tough Blow Debate Iron Impress Register Gunslinger Pixies Dryers Perms

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Donald Trump's hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged.”

Running Worry Trump Kings Lists Partners No Worries Kramer

Author:Michael R. Burch

“After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet, and he's already made America a better place!”

Thinking Made America President Trump Immigrants Comment Better Place Apprentice Nbc Derogatory

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump isn't really running for president, come on! This is obviously a new reality show, Celebrity Presidential Apprentice. It ends with the incompetent celebrity being berated, humiliated, then unceremoniously fired.”

Ends Shows Reality Running President Trump Presidential Incompetent Humiliated Apprentice Reality Shows

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Trump has officially changed his name to Ronald because he's such a clown, and in sympathy his toupée is changing its name to Bozo.”

Names Changed Trump Clown

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.”

Way Want Said Shows Reality Running Guy Order Trump Seasons Currents What You Want Priorities Presidency This Guy Wraps Apprentice Reality Shows

Author:Jay Leno

“Even Donald Trump's hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed”

Found Support Trump Insult Feds Fed Up

Author:Michael R. Burch

“After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.”

Has Beens Shows Sides Animal Planets Hair Trump Remarks Insulting Bright Side Nbc

Author:Conan O'Brien

“When Donald Trump becomes president, he'll fly on a jumbo jet rebadged Hair Force One. It will be oversized to contain his massive ego, and will have all the latest and greatest blowdryer technology.”

Force President Technology Hair Trump Ego Massive Jet Air Force

Author:Michael R. Burch

“What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.”

Trump Enormous Ass

Author:Michael R. Burch

“What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.”

Running President Trump Cards Comedian

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece.”

Men Want Looks Pieces Hair Trump Ties Collections Hunts Macy's

Author:Conan O'Brien

“A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump.”

Trump Filled Stores Selling Candy Houston

Author:Conan O'Brien

“At his campaign launch, Donald Trump apparently paid extras $50 to cheer for him at the rally. Trump said, 'Usually when I pay a person to like me, it's my wife.'”

Persons Said Pay Wife Trump Paid My Wife Campaigns Like Me Extras Cheer

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won Apprentice. Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands.”

Men Running Black Trump Yesterday African American Racist One Time Apprentice Errands

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.”

Running Night President Trump Late News Comedian Supporter Late Night

Author:Conan O'Brien

“The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.”

America President Born Trump News President Obama Good News Bad News

Author:Jay Leno

“Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama's birth certificate to make sure that it's real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump's hair.”

Want Looks Said Stills Real President Hair Trump Birth President Obama Certificates Birth Certificate

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.”

Ideas Numbers Crazy Trump Program Polls Crazy Ideas

Author:Jon Stewart

“It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives.”

Years Three Term Wife Trump Election Primaries

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.”

Knows Running President Trump Birth Certificates Birth Certificate

Author:Jay Leno

“Gary Busey said on the Today Show yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.”

Needs Said Shows Today President Trump Yesterday Charlie Gary Endorsements Randy Great Presidents Quaid

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.”

Ifs Said Running President Term Return Trump Birth Taxes Release President Obama Certificates Birth Certificate Tax Returns

Author:Conan O'Brien

“NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this.”

Ifs May Doe Running President Trump Executives Apprentice Nbc

Author:Conan O'Brien

“According to a CNN poll, Trump nearly doubled his support from March. Actually, he just combed his March numbers over his current ones.”

Numbers Support Trump Currents March Polls Cnn

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice. Not to be outdone, the same night the Cake Boss will reveal his plan for overhauling Medicare.”

Running Night President Plans Trump Seasons Boss Cake Medicare Apprentice Announcements Finale

Author:Conan O'Brien

“The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?”

Littles House Chance White Trump Percent White House Zero

Author:David Letterman

“Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.”

Knows Running President Trump Publicity Insiders

Author:David Letterman

“Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead.”

Needs Morning Trump News Foxes Monday Blonde Fox News Monday Morning Airheads

Author:Bill Maher

“Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'”

Littles Four Wife Week Trump Average Tone Better Off Deaf Slogans

Author:Bill Maher

“Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn't born in this country.”

Ifs Country Shows Running President Born Tvs Hair Trump Critics Illegal Tv Shows

Author:Conan O'Brien

“President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before.”

People Want Country President Trump Taxes Raises Hated President Obama

Author:Jay Leno

“On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka.”

Doe Said Names Trump Birth News Daughter Foxes Fox News Certificates Birth Certificate

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'”

States Courses President United United States Worst Trump

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.”

Ifs Universe Missing Trump Interfere Presidency Pageant

Author:David Letterman

“How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One.”

Use Force President Hair Trump Air Force

Author:David Letterman

“Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.”

Mean Reason Seems Might Lasts Winning Names Crazy Trump Republican Triumph Insanity Candidates Comparison Nominations Omen

Author:Michael R. Burch

“It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.”

Ifs Looks May Real Running President Lines Happened Serious Trump Starting Presidential Candidates Presidential Candidate Us President

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.”

People Want Problem Trump Solutions Appeals Trumpets

Author:Michael R. Burch

“Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a drawing to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table.”

Ifs Different Winning Names Trump Tables Dinner Drawing Campaigns Romney Fundraising Donate Gimmicks

Author:Jay Leno

“Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin Laden spent his last hour watching 'Celebrity Apprentice.'”

Looks Said Lasts Wish Hours Trump Cia Bin Laden Apprentice

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air.”

Ifs Thinking Would Be President Too Much Air Trump Filled Toms Patriot Quarterback Really Weird Brady

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Trump says he wants to run for president. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”

Want Firsts Home Running Black President Trump First Time Why Not Black Family

Author:Snoop Dogg

“C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.”

Has Beens Kids Lines Trump Tough Slave China Chinese Clothings Lefties Clothing Line

Author:Michael R. Burch

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